


Blue Screen of Death

by Sonamae



Category: Homestuck
Genre: A lot of pale ships I'm not going to tag, Amnesia, F/F, F/M, Hospitals, M/M, Memory Loss, More characters as they show up, Multi, Post Game, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-02
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2017-11-11 06:10:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 32,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/475365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sonamae/pseuds/Sonamae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The game is over and the world is ripe for the picking.  All the kids and their troll friends are going to be alive again, and they can all start over!  Only... out of all the trolls, Eridan can't remember big chunks of his life before or after death.  He just woke up in a tube and what is even going on anymore?  He has to figure this out, but where does he even start?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Consciousness

**Author's Note:**

> More characters and pairings as the story progresses. If you see anything amiss, just let me know.

> You seem to have regained consciousness. Please note that your text will be on caps lock until I can register you. Enter your name so I may assist you.

ERIDAN AMPORA

> Enter command.

SELF DESTRUCT

> Invalid. You are not hooked up to the mainframe yet.

PLEASE

> Invalid.

> Enter command.

LOAD VVISUAL

> Command acquired. Everything is green tinted and fuzzy, but your eyes are currently closed Mr. Ampora. I am not sure if they are fully healed yet.

LOAD SENSATION

> Command acquired. You are currently surrounded by a numbing agent, but your emotions are currently haywire. We are growing your lower half back to your body. You woke too soon.

LOCATION

> You are in the Alternian and Humanoid Intensive Care Unit in New Texas-Bama.

HOWW DID I GET HERE

> You were brought in alongside a slew of other bodies by one of the Goddess'.

WWHO

> Feferi Peixes

SHES ALIVVE

FUCK

IS SHE REALLY ALIVVE

> Releasing more sedative, subject is trying to awaken. You must remain calm.

IS SHE ALIVVE

> She is a Goddess. Yes.

I WWANT TO TALK TO HER

> Feferi Peixes is offline, and cannot be reached.

WWHAT ABOUT SOL

> Invalid command.

OH FUCK YOU

SOLLUX

IS HE ALIVVE

> Sollux Captor is a God. He is currently working your station vitals.

WWAIT THIS IS SOL

> Invalid command.

AM I TALKIN TO SOLLUX RIGHT NOWW

> Negative. You are communing with the computers telepathic directory.

PUT SOL ON

IN MEAN SOLLUX

LET ME TALK TO SOLLUX

> Affirmative. I will remain in contact with your thoughts. Please hold while I recreate a format that you may talk to Sollux Captor in.

...

> Connection loading.

> Connection obtained.

> Sollux Captor is idle. Do you still wish to proceed?

YES

> Affirmative. I will open a window in your mind.

> \--TD opened a memo--

> \--TD added twinArmageddons [tA]--

> \--TD added caligulasAquarium[cA]--

TD: Please be respectful to my patient, Mr. Captor. You may converse now.  
cA: fuck  
cA: sol  
cA: sol i cant feel anythin  
cA: i thought  
cA: wwhat the fuck is goin on here  
cA: you wwere both dead  
cA: i wwas dead  
cA: sol answwer me  
cA: fuckin please sol

\--twinArmageddons [tA] is no longer idle--

tA: whoa what the fuck.  
cA: you really are alivve  
tA: td 2tatu2 report on ed.  
tA: ii2 he body con2ciiou2 or ju2t con2ciiou2?  
cA: i am right fuckin here you asshole  
TD: Eridan Ampora is mentally conscious, and because of it his body is trying to awaken.  
tA: giive hiim more 2edatiives.  
cA: dont you fuckin dare  
cA: i want answwers  
TD: I do not believe that it is advisable to administer more sedatives to Mr. Ampora as he has been unconscious for several months already.  
cA: fuckin wwhat?  
TD: I did administer more numbing Toxin though, so his healing will not be interrupted.  
tA: good, keep me updated.  
cA: sol wwhat is goin on!  
cA: sol?

\--twinArmageddons [tA] is idle--

cA: oh cod are you not talkin to me because a the death thing  
cA: look i am SORRY  
cA: so fuckin sorry  
cA: i dont knoww wwhat made me snap  
cA: please just  
cA: tell me wwhats goin on and then you can get back to hatin me  
cA: platonically  
cA: or wwhatevver just tell me wwhy im alivve  
cA: sol  
cA: fuck  
TD: Eridan Ampora, please do not cry.  
cA: HOLY FUCK OWW  
TD: I have not administered  
TD: Oh, my severe apologies Eridan Ampora.  
TD: I had not factored in you awakening so soon, please forgive me. I am adding a gel into your container now that will relinquish the sting.  
TD: Again, I apologize.  
cA: wwhat wwas that  
TD: To regrow your body and replenish your blood, we had to remove saline from your system temporarily. Had I known you would have awoken sooner than scheduled, I would have begun the process of reintroducing it into your system and with more care.  
cA: i havve no idea wwhat any a that means  
TD: Salt burns.  
cA: thank you that wwas much more informativve  
cA: also stop sayin my full name  
cA: its wweird  
TD: You are welcome, Mr. Ampora.  
TD: Do you wish me to close communications with Sollux Captor?  
cA: no  
cA: leavve it open

\--twinArmageddons [tA] is no longer idle--

tA: okay 2orry ii'm back.  
tA: whoa ii leave for liike two miinute2.  
cA: i wwant answwers  
tA: two what?  
tA: td ha2 all the an2wer2.  
cA: no she doesnt  
tA: dude iit2 a computer program.  
cA: and shes still nicer than you are right noww  
TD: I am flattered.  
tA: do you have a bug? td run 2y2tem diiagno2tiic2.  
TD: I will now. I pardon if I become idle.  
cA: wwhy wwould she have a bug  
tA: iit.  
tA: and computer2 dont feel emotion2.  
cA: she sure seems to think otherwwise  
cA: shes been real nice to me  
cA: more than you havve  
tA: oh my glubbiin  
tA: the kiid2 won theiir priize uniiver2e diip2hiit.  
tA: everythiing merged.  
tA: you 2hould have fiigured that out when you remembered that tiime you were godtiier.  
cA: real funny sol  
cA: i wwas nevver godtier  
tA: well okay not you per2onally, but dead you.  
tA: kk told me he met you iin a dream bubble.  
cA: a wwhat  
tA: 2top playiing den2e.  
cA: im fuckin not you mustard stain  
cA: wwhat are you talkin about!?  
tA: well 2hiit giive iit a few miinute2 two 2iink iin.  
tA: ii have two go tell ff you woke up.  
cA: is she okay  
tA: 2he2 niifty  
cA: does she hate me  
tA: no  
cA: do you hate me  
tA: no  
cA: wwhy not  
cA: i killed you  
tA: no you diidnt.  
tA: ii was ju2t uncon2iiou2.  
cA: i still killed her  
tA: 2he doesnt mind.  
cA: howw you do knoww  
tA: 2he wa2 the one who demanded we briing you back the mo2t.  
cA: oh fuck  
cA: fuck  
cA: FUCK  
TD: Mr. Ampora. Please remain calm, I do not have control of your vitals while I am scanning my database.  
cA: I CANT BREATHE  
tA: yeah yeah iim comiing.

\--caligulasAquarium[cA] has gone offline--

TD: Oh, it appears Mr. Ampora has lost consciousness.  
tA: fuck really?  
tA: ii2 he dead?  
TD: No, he had a panic attack and passed out.  
tA: oh fuck ye2 ii am never lettiing hiim liive thii2 down.


	2. This is a Test Ted

> Mr. Ampora?  
  
> Mr. Ampora, your vitals indicate that you are conscious and in a state of unrest, as well as what I assume is aggravation.  Do you wish to converse?  
  
_i dont knoww_  
  
> Are you feeling unwell?  I can administer something if you are in any sort of pain.  
  
_no_  
  
> No to which statement, Mr. Ampora?  
  
_i wwant to movve_  
  
> That would be ill advised until tomorrow.  
  
_i still wwant to movve around  
  
i dont wwant to be in this THING anymore_  
  
> You are not fully healed yet, so I cannot let you out of your containment tube.  
  
_wwell fuck_  
  
> ...  
  
> But, Mr. Ampora.  If you would like to run a few motor function tests with me, I can relax the numbing Toxin to test your mobility.  
  
> You may not like it though.  
  
_wwhy wwouldnt i like gettin to movve_  
  
> You are still undergoing heavy reconstruction.  We have your gills covered and your airways blocked and full of tubes.  It will not be comfortable if the numbing agent wears off faster than I can release it.  
  
_oh_  
  
> Proceed?  
  
_you knoww wwhat  
  
yes  
  
bring it on_  
  
> Affirmative.  I'm going to flush your tube with a less dense liquid so you can have more range of motion.  It will feel like a temperature difference.  
  
_alright  
  
noww wwhat_  
  
> You may attempt to open your eyes.  I'm not sure if you can see through them yet, but it will at least give me an informed observation on their healing progress.  
  
> Please do not overstress yourself though, if anything begins to hurt I would like you to notify me.  I do not wish for you to be in any sort of pain.  
  
_thanks doll  
  
okay  
  
here goes_  
  
 So Eridan tried opening his eyes.  The first attempt failing, and the second attempt felt like there was something crusty keeping them shut.  He tried to groan in frustration, but that was when he felt the ghost of tubes in his throat.  He tried not to panic, and... Well, it worked.  
  
> I have put a calming agent in the water with you, Mr. Ampora.  Your vitals started to pick up.  
  
 That made much more sense.  He took a deep breath next, or attempted to with the tubing, then forced his eyes open.  Bubbles were floating all around his face, slightly fuzzy without his glasses but he'd know a bubble anywhere.  The tubes were the generic clear plastic, but the stuff going in them was a freakish violet, and it made him want to scream because that was… well, his blood color.  He felt a little nauseous, but he wasn’t going to let that stop him.  
  
> Excellent, can you focus on the image in front of you and describe it for me?  I can put your prescriptions on over your eyes if the image is too blurry and try that if you like.  
  
 Eridan waited and then white started shining in the distance.  It took him a moment before he realized things were going to stay fuzzy unless he asked for help, but he finally made the image out.  
  
_its a diamond_  
  
> Correct.  Now, can twitch your fingers for me please?  
  
 Eridan tried, attempting to move his head to see, but he was unable to crane it with the tubes keeping his neck in one position.  He knew his fingers were there, he could feel them as if they were asleep, but it was still a weird disconnected feeling.  He tried to make a fist, but found the most he could do _was_ twitch his fingers.  That was frustrating, he just wanted to move but his body was still asleep.  
  
> That's very good, now, can you twitch your toes?  
_  
i dont havve toes  
  
kan cut me in half_  
  
> Kan?  
  
_kanaya_  
  
> Oh, yes, Ms. Maryam.  You do have toes now, your entire lower half was reattached to your body and reconstructed.  Function will be up and running on a semi-normal level by tomorrow.  The next day tops.  
  
> Do you believe you can move them, or have your nerves not connected yet?  
_  
i  
  
i dont knoww_  
  
> Would you like to try?  
  
 Eridan wanted to nod, but when he tried to the tubes tugged again.  He groaned and jerked his body, only when he did his leg actually moved in the water and he choked in shock.  He saw his leg, it was down there, it moved and it wasn't cut off and holy fucking _shit_.  
  
> Relax, Mr. Ampora.  This test has been a success, so you can be at ease.  
  
> Is there anything you would like to do now, Mr. Ampora?  
  
_yes  
  
is fef on_  
  
> Feferi Pexies is online, do you wish me to set up a connection?  
  
_no  
  
not yet  
  
just  
  
just tell her im sorry_  
  
> I will relay this.  
  
_yeah thanks_  
  
> ...  
  
> Mr. Ampora?  
  
_wwhat_  
  
> Is there anyone _else_ you wish to talk to besides myself?  I am simply a computer program after all, I cannot be very good company.  
  
_i think youre swwell company  
  
oh  
  
right  
  
wwhats your name_  
  
> I am the computers telepathic directory.  
  
_yeah sea  
  
thats not your name  
  
wwhats your NAME_  
  
> I...  
  
> I do not have a name.  
  
_bullshit_  
  
> I am sorry, Mr. Ampora.  
  
_no i mean its bullshit that you dont havve a name_  
  
> Oh.  
  
_wwhat do you wwant to be called_  
  
> I have no preference.  
  
_sol wwas callin you td_  
  
> Sollux Captor shortens everything into a dual two letter function.  
  
_true  
  
but seriously  
  
wwhat about  
  
ted_  
  
> Ted?  
  
> Explain?  
_  
short  
  
easy  
  
td sounds stupid  
  
put an e in there and it’s a name_  
  
> Oh.  
  
_do you not like that_  
  
> No, actually on the contrary.  I am... honored.  
  
> I have a name now.  
  
> Thank you, Mr. Ampora.  
  
_no reel deal_  
  
> Still, thank you.  And it is time for a flush of your gills, so unfortunately I will have to put you back to sleep so you feel no discomfort.  
  
_okay_  
  
> Sweet dreams, Mr. Ampora.  
  
_wwhatevver  
  
wwait  
  
do you dream_  
  
> I do not, Mr. Ampora.  
  
_can you_  
  
> I lack the programming to simulate my own sequence of events that would mimic a troll or human dream.  
_  
tell sol to fix that after you put me to sleep and try it  
  
that wway I can wwish you swweet dreams as swwell_  
  
> … Yes Sir, Mr. Ampora.  I will talk to Mr. Captor about that right away.  
  
_night ted_  
  
> … Good night, Eridan.


	3. Mr. Grouchy McButthurt

 "How are his vitals?" Eridan had no idea who that voice belonged to, but it was echoing in the water around him as if it was coming from somewhere above.  That was... kind of scary, now that he thought about it.  After all, he hadn't heard anything in all of the three days he'd been conscious, and suddenly he was being bombarded with noise?  Pretty fucking crazy if he did say so himself.  
  
 _'They are all currently stable and holding well, Mr. Strider.  I believe today is the day that Mr. Ampora can begin to be disconnected from life support.'_ That voice he recognized, even though he had only seen a faint echo in his head through text.  That was Ted.  Sweet, strange, robotic Ted.  Ted who was nicer than Sol and a right more interesting for conversation.  Ted who, before this, was only text.  But now she had a voice, and for some reason he just _knew_ it was her.  

 Eridan wanted her attention.  
  
 _ted_  
  
> You're conscious, good.  I believe the proper terminology is good afternoon, Mr. Ampora.  You awoke at a strange moment.  
  
 _wwho is that ted_  
  
> What do you mean?  Please clarify.  
  
 _wwho is that you are talkin to_  
  
> Oh!  This is Dirk Strider, he's the one who created my voice upon request last night, as well as the one who helped Equius Zahhak build your life support system.  
 _  
do you trust him_  
  
> Why would I not trust him?  
  
 _i dunno  
  
but do you_  
  
> ...  
  
> I trust him with my hard drive and my back ups.  
  
 _ill take that as a yes in computer_  
  
 "You've gotten pretty quiet, C.T.D.  What's wrong?" Dirk's voice was closer this time.  After it, there was a rush of air through the pipes somewhere above him that sent a chill down Eridan's spine.  
  
 _'Mr. Ampora is awake and wished to converse, I am simply talking with him.  I was also about to explain procedure.'_ Ted said, sounding... cheerful?  Could computer's sound cheerful?  
  
 "I take it you enjoy his company from that tone of yours," Dirk sounded like he had a smile on, "I also take it you've been enjoying the upgrades?"  
  
 _does no one call you by your name but me_  
  
> That is an excellent point.  
  
> I shall bring this up.  
  
 _'Mr. Strider, if you wouldn't mind, Mr. Ampora has given me a name recently.  I would very much enjoy it if you would use that instead of calling me C.T.D.'_ Ted said, her voice buggy like she was trying to find a frequency on a radio wire.  
  
 "Oh really now?  And what, pray tell, is that name?" Dirk asked with that hint of a smile in his voice again.  
  
 _'Well, it’s Ted.'  
  
if he doesnt like it tell him to suck my bulge  
  
 'Also, Mr. Ampora wants me to inform you that if you do not like it, you can-'_  
  
 _ted NO  
  
oh my cod  
  
dont ACTUALLY say that_  
  
> But you requested it of me.  
 _  
it wwas a joke  
  
not me bein SERIOUS  
  
i dont knoww this guy  
  
that wwould be wweird  
  
really wweird_  
  
> What shall I do then?  
  
 "Teddy, what in the Sam hill are you two talking about?  His vitals just spiked." Dirk's voice raised a bit as he shuffled about the room with heavy steps. "Can you hear me in there, prince charming?" he called.  
  
 _tell him to go fuck himself_  
  
> Was that a joke or should I actually say that?  
  
 _actually say that_  
  
 ' _He said_ tell him to go fuck himself.' Ted chirped.  After a moment of silence Eridan was pretty sure he'd gotten his only friend in trouble, but then Dirk was scoffing.  It sounded delighted and strange and... it made him feel at ease.  
  
 "I like him, he's funny," Dirk said finally, "go ahead and lift the tube a few feet, we'll flush a heavy numbing toxin through.  Make sure you get it everywhere, even in his gills, then we'll start pulling out the tubes." Dirk’s voice was no longer playful.  Everything was serious now and Eridan could _feel_ it, even in the water.  
  
 _'Do you want me to contact Mr. Captor as well so you have a technician on hand?  Or perhaps Ms. Peixes in case we need a healer?'_  
  
 _dont you fuckin dare call her  
  
i hurt her  
  
i cant face her  
  
please ted  
  
dont  
  
just please dont  
  
 'Correction, I have been asked not to contact Ms. Peixes.'_   Ted said, voice resigned. _  
  
thanks_  
  
 "Right, so uh... I just watched his vitals do a fucking ollie into the sun backwards, is he going to do that again if the nerd herd gets here?" Dirk asked.  The entire room seemed to shift and Eridan groaned, the tube he was in was moving up and things starting to tug.  He pried his eyes open very slowly and everything was blurry, still that strange green like sopor, but there was definitely a human in the room.  
  
 ... And that wasn’t as gross as he was expecting.  
  
> Will you be alright if Sollux Captor joins us in the room?  
  
 _wwill he hate me_  
  
> I cannot answer that.  I am not synced up with his mind, nor can I predict his reactions.  
  
 _wwould you hate me if id almost killed you_  
  
> ... Yes.  
 _  
thanks for bein honest ted_  
  
> You are welcome.  
  
 "Teddy, the silent pause is not helping." Dirk mumbled as the water started to freeze against Eridan's skin.  The asleep feeling he’d been getting in his limbs began to creep away until he felt numb all over.  Numb, stuffy, and weary.  
  
 _'I believe Mr. Ampora will be alright.  If he is not, I can simply lock Mr. Captor out until my patient is relaxed.'  
  
youre a doll_  
  
> Actually, I am a computer program.  
  
 _no i mean that as a compliment  
  
it means youre really swweet_  
  
> Oh.  
  
> Well, thank you for that compliment.  
  
 _wwelcome_  
  
 "I think you're eating up his sass, Teddy.  You keep getting distracted," Dirk muttered. "How's that toxin working for you?" Dirk asked as he stepped forward and poked the glass tube.  
  
 _'... Mr. Ampora requested I say something, but I believe what he's thinking is too rude for me to repeat.'_ Ted said.  
  
 "Good girl, you're catching on quick." Dirk said as he reached out to press his hand against the glass.  It was a lot easier for Eridan to see him the closer he got, and his outline wasn't that bad to look at. "Sollux will be here soon, he'll have to catch you when you fall out.  Unless you want me to do the hauling, but I doubt that." Dirk tapped his fingers against the glass, then pulled back.  His form was going blurry again as he backed away, and it made Eridan sort of sad.  
  
 The sound of a door pressurizing and then swinging open caught Eridan's attention, then the silhouette of one tall, skinny nerd boy was looming in the doorway. "I was working, what is it?" Sollux's voice was easy to recognize, but it was startling to hear him without that lisp.  He sounded… cleaner, almost.  Like someone had finally lifted the weight off his shoulders.  
  
 "Hello to you too, Mr. Grouchy McButthurt." So Eridan could safely say that Dirk wasn't that bad at _all_ as far as _humans_ went. "I need someone who knows troll anatomy to catch the Prince of Pomp over there when he hatches from his fixy dink egg."  
  
 "... what?" Sollux wasn't the only confused party.  
  
 "Right.  When the containment casing slides down, the gel that Eridan's been stewing in will drain and he won't be free floating anymore.  I need you to hold him up until we can get a gurney or until Equius gets here to carry him to a bed." Sollux scoffed and there was a tapping sound.  It was like someone flicking their claws against a terminal in aggravation.  Things were starting to... _sound_ fuzzy.  
  
 "What, not strong enough to hold up a skinny hipster?" Sollux taunted.  
  
 "More like not blackrom enough, you quadrant slut." Did Eridan just hear that right? "Just grab him before he falls to the floor and breaks something.  I don't want to accidentally shove my fingers in his gills or anything, that would be rude." Dirk said with a heavy sigh.  Sollux snorted again and his outline got closer to the glass as their voices fade out in volume.  
  
 "Like you don't think that's kinky."  
 _  
ted  
  
ted wwhats happenin_  
  
> It will be alright.  Remain calm.  
  
 _no seriously wwhat the fuck is goin on ted_  
  
> Medical protocol advises that the patient be asleep or as relaxed as possible when removing life-support tubes.  I am rendering you unconscious.  
 _  
wwell fuck you too_  
  
> It is for your own comfort, Mr. Ampora.  
  
> I am sorry you do not agree with it, I only wanted your safety.  
 _  
i knoww  
  
and  
  
thank you  
  
evven if im kind a bein a bulge  
  
thanks for lookin out for me_  
  
> You are always welcome, Mr. Ampora.  I will miss talking to you.  
  
 _wwait wwhat_


	4. Error in my Database

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a while. I've having some issues dragging myself away from other projects XD

 When Eridan woke up after Ted had knocked him out, his protein chute was on _fire._ He could hardly breath through his nose even though he felt a tube there, and everything was itchy and slack.  His gills felt like they were full of cotton and twigs when he attempted to flex them, even his oxygen sacks felt like puddles in his chest for all the good they seemed to be doing him.  When he manage to crack his eyes open all he saw was a blinding white light.  
  
 Had he gone reverse blind overnight or had something terrible happened to him when he was unconscious?  Could he blame Sollux or the human for fucking him over in his sleep?  Who would be more likely to have fucked with him when he was at his most vulnerable?  
  
 ... Sol, _obviously_.  
  
 "Hey, easy there Eridan," Oh god no please fucking _no_. "Easy guppy, just sleep some more, I'm watching over you." That was _Feferi's_ voice.  Eridan would know that sound in the strongest of storms, and she was in the room with him of her _own_ accord.  After he had _killed_ her.  Her own moirail had murderer her and she was just _there_ , watching over him.  But... why did that feel wrong, why did something ache when he thought the word _moirail_?  It felt like he was missing a huge piece of a puzzle, a gap in time or something?  
  
 "Fef." It took everything he had to get her name out, and even then it just sounded like a puff of air forced through a dry barrel of dust.  Eridan couldn't tell where she was, or if she was just a recording, but he wanted to hear her voice.  Maybe she was just a hallucination, he couldn't tell any of it because he could hardly move to look around.  He just... he needed to apologize and he couldn't do that because his chitinous windtube felt like it was shedding at that very second.  
  
 " _No_ guppy, don't try glubbing moving you silly thing," She put a hand in his and he nearly sobbed.  He didn't have the energy to squeeze back the way she did, "Just go to sleep, you codfish.  We can talk in the morning," He knew he was crying before he even felt the tears get wiped away by her delicate fingers. "Oh Eridan, glub, you shore do wear your collapsing and expanding bladder based aquatic vascular system on your sleeve, don't you?" Eridan sniffled and relaxed into whatever they had placed him in. 

 After a pause, Feferi kissed his forehead, humming gently.  It felt like he was sinking into sopor, it felt amazing.  
  
 She held his hand until he passed out.  
  
\--  
  
 When Eridan woke up again, no one was holding his hand.  He blinked as he looked around the room, but instantly he realized that it was no longer the blinding white it had been before.  In fact, everything was tinted an off color sopor and he winced.  For a moment he was terrified that he'd been put back in the tube and that everything had been a dream.  That there had been no moment where Feferi was there, that he'd been making it all up in his head.  He sat up and the sopor rolled off him like normal sopor, and when he got a proper look around he gathered that he was in some weird room that smelled sterile and gross.  
  
 Eridan took the time to catalog his surroundings in case he had to fight his way out.  He took in the window facing the hallway instead of outside, the blinds to that were closed and shutting the light out.  There was the recuperacoon he was laying in, the pole with what looks like a drip line connected to his arm which he yanked out, and a desk with a lamp. 

 On the wall was a door to what Eridan assumed was a closet that must have been adjacent to the door by the window.  That would be where he was going to find anything useful.  
  
 He hoped so at least.  
  
 Hoisting himself up, he got ready to roll out of the coon, and that was when it happened. 

 He smacked his knee of the edge of the recuperacoon trying to get out.  He _smacked_ his _knee_.  He fell back into the coon and shouted, wrapping his hands around the throbbing in his leg and holy fucking _shit_ he had a _knee_!  His legs were _attached_ to his body and... he reached up and touched the scar on his abdomen.  It hadn't been a dream, he really _had_ been _sawn in half_ by a fucking _chainsaw_.  
  
 This wasn't right, he wasn't _normal_ anymore.  Did this make him a day walker?  Or whatever Kanaya turned into?  Her skin had been white for fucks sake, why had it turned white?  What was going on anymore?  And why was he alone?  He didn't want to be alone, this was freaking him out!  
  
 He wanted his moirail for fucks sake!  
  
 "Fef!" His voice was scratched all to hell and his entire protein chute felt like a purrbeast had clawed its way up and then back down again while he was sleeping. " _Fef_!" He screamed her name the second time and suddenly his throat felt flooded, his gills leaky.  
  
 Shit, did something tear?  Was he bleeding?  
  
 He reached up and cupped his fingers around his gills when the door by the window opened.  When he pulled his hand up to his face his fingers were soaked in violet. 

 Shit.  
  
 " _Shit_." He pressed a hand to his gills and whoever it was that walked in screamed something as he dunked himself under the sopor.  The world was a mess of noise above him but he couldn't think about that right now.  He was bleeding into his gills and he was scared.He just wanted... he wanted someone _there_ and no one was.  He passed out a second time as someone dragged him out of the sopor.  
  
\--  
  
> Mr. Ampora?  
  
 _wwoww this is a surprise ted  
  
i thought youd left me for good_  
  
> It would be best if you refrained from speaking aloud at the moment.  If you wish to converse with me, I am here for a short while.  But I did not leave you.  
  
 _wwhere wwere you wwhen i wwoke up then_  
  
> I have not been removed from the Intensive Care unit.  My hard drive is installed there.  
  
 _so im back there_  
  
> No.  
  
 _then howw are you talkin to me_  
  
> I am accessing the main computer of the hospitals monitors and rerouting one of the machines that was meant to be monitoring your pulse so I can send certain waves into your brain.  It appears as text to your semi-conscious mind.  
  
 _i havve no idea wwhat the fuck that means_  
  
> I'm cheating.  
  
 _good girl  
  
so  
  
wwhat happened to me  
  
i mean wwith the blood in my gills thing_  
  
> Those records are in a zipped and locked folder on Sollux Captor's Hospital desk computer.  
  
 _so_  
  
> That means I am not allowed to access them.  
  
 _not allowwed or dont wwant to_  
  
> Not allowed.  
  
 _so do it anywway_  
  
> I may get caught.  
  
 _youre already cheatin ted  
  
just use your hackin skills that you used to talk to me and hack into sols system_  
  
> Is that a request?  
  
 _no its a demand as my friend_  
  
> ... Alright.  
  
> For my friend.  
  
 _thanks doll_  
  
> Alright, his password wasn't that hard to crack, or his code identifier.  
  
 _wwait youre in_  
  
> Yes, why?  
  
 _just surprisin is all_  
  
> ?  
  
 _sol is just the best hacker and you unlocked that in like  
  
a minute_  
  
> Affirmative.  One minute and sixteen seconds.    
  
> Sollux Captor also programmed me to be a backup drive for his decoder if he ever needs me to unlock something for him if his computer privileges get taken away by Karkat Vantas again.  
  
 _idiot_  
  
> ?  
 _  
i mean hes an idiot not you  
  
a course youll use that powwer for evvil instead a wwhat he wwants  
  
evvery bit_  
  
> Alright.  Though I am unable to process that information.  
  
 _wwhat_  
  
> That was confusing.  
  
 _oh_  
  
> Anyway, it looks like the files are speculating over which was the more accurate cause of the burst vascular tube in your gills.  Either the tubing that had been used in your life support was not properly removed, or you had not fully healed from the decay that had set in when your body began decomposing.  
  
> I believe it might have been a mixture of both.  I was having issues scanning your gills because of all the tubing to begin with.  I apologize profusely for such a mistake, and for not having calculated this into the outcome list.  I should run another system diagnostics.  
  
 _its fine_  
  
> It really isn't though.  
  
 _no it really is  
  
youre a computer  
  
but youre still my friend  
  
you did me the decency a apologizin for somefin that may or may not havve been your fault  
  
i dont blame you_  
  
> Who do you blame?  
 _  
sol  
  
he makes me all sorts a crazy_  
  
> You seem to hold a lot of feelings toward Sollux Captor that make your vitals do strange things.  Is this a summery of love?  
  
 _FUCK NO  
  
gag  
  
i wwould nevver_  
  
> My apologies, Dirk simply installed several phrases in my vocabulary in the beginning of my creation.  One of them was ' _Love makes you do crazy things_.'  
  
 _wwrong type a crazy  
  
but thats a good quote to havve_  
  
> If I may, what type of crazy _does_ Sollux Captor make you?  
  
 _wwell  
  
the kind wwhere i wwanna punch him in the bone bulge_  
  
> That sounds like an unpleasant sensation from what my database says about troll anatomy.  
  
 _yeah_  
  
> So... are your feelings for him more in the black quadrant if not the red?  
  
 _ewwww  
  
no_  
  
> I am very confused then.  I am having more issues processing.  
  
 _i dont hate him like  
  
romantically or anythin i mean  
  
i just hate him_  
  
> Error in my database.  
  
 _wwhat  
  
am i confusin you again_  
  
> No, someone is trying to hack into my system.  
  
> I must go and deal with this.  
  
> Good night, Mr. Amopra.  
  
 _oh_  
  
 _sure_  
  
 _night ted_


	5. Mr. Fish Tits

 A beep.  A click.  A hard snap and then another beep. “What's the diagnosis, doc?  Is he going to live?  Do we need to put him down after he popped a bleeder on us?” That was a voice Eridan only vaguely recognized.  It wasn't one he enjoyed hearing either, but it wasn't terrible.  His mind felt clogged and there were phantom tingles of pain running up his spinal collum as the voices got louder, but for some reason he felt like listening to this was more important than falling back to sleep.  
  
 “I would _reely_ appreciate it if you wouldn’t talk about my ex-moirail like that!” That voice was Feferi's, but... that was _not_ right.  They weren't  _ex_ -moirails, they were just  _moirails_ , right?  He must have been dreaming, or... had he really been asleep long enough for her to have moved on?  Why did everything have to confuse him and why was it difficult to open his eyes?  
  
 “Whoa, calm your fishy tits, Princess Bubblegum.” That voice again.  Where did he know it from?  It was right there on the tip of his tongue...  
  
 “And  _you_ watch your mouth when you talk to her.” Sollux's voice cut through the air with a snap.  It sounded like his psiioniics were crackling.  
  
 “Dude, chill.  I thought you'd always be on my side after everything we went through.” There was a low hiss from one of the trolls in the room, but it wasn't one Eridan recognized.  
  
 “Not when you upthet F.F.” Sollux growled.  When he finally stopped, the hissing got softer.  There was a very soft purr after it, and Eridan finally recognized the other troll's sound.  He knew her by the way she purred.  That was Aradia, but... wasn't she off getting lost in the dream bubbles?  
  
 “Whoa, what a lisp.” That voice was human if he wasn't not mistaken.  But which one of the obnoxious humans had Eridan actually _heard_ before,  _besides_ Dirk?  
  
 There was movement across the floor and Sollux let out a soft sigh. “Are you alright, Sollux?  You're far too upset over a little joke, will you be okay?” Feferi asked.  Aradia hummed alongside her, sounding closer to the other woman than to Eridan.  
  
 “She's right, you only lisp when you're upset these days.  Don't be upset.” She sounded... well,  _alive_.  Eridan couldn't really say he was surprised, but why was Aradia so content being so close to Sollux?  Hadn't they gone separate ways?  
  
 “That's the last thing either of us wants - you know we're both here to help you.” And that sentence just sounded really confusing.  
  
 “I'm fine, just... I don't understand why you're thtill...  _still_ , worried about  _him_ after all this time,” Sollux grumbled.  It was obvious who they were talking about, but why?  What was going on? “He killed you because he wanted to join Jack.” What?  That wasn't... he'd just snapped... hadn't he? “He killed you,  _tried_ to kill me, and then wanted to kill the rest of us so he could join a murderer.  I don't understand why you couldn't have just brought him back and left him to rot in his own misery.  He deserved that much.” There was tension in the air as Eridan's eyes slowly fluttered open.  The room took several minutes to become anything other than colors and blurs, and even then it was hard to see because his glasses weren't on his face.  
  
 “Dude, grudge much?” the human muttered, “you're worse than Vantas when someone looks at him funny.  It's all surly grumpy house cat up in that acre of space,  like an atomic bomb of grumpy slash pissy wet cat exploded in the form of one look that wanted to go rampaging throughout the cosmos but could only shine through the set of sweet candy apple bottom jeans that are his eyes.” Someone groaned, and Eridan hoped it had been him.  That muttered tirade was terrible.  
  
 “If I didn't need you here, I'd tell you to get out,” Aradia said after she sighed. “You still have a hold on him, don't you?” There was another gasp, and suddenly there was a hand in Eridan’s.  
  
 “Eridan?” Feferi's blurred form came into his line of sight and the room started to spin.  
  
 “Whoa, easy there tiger man.  I've got your body on lock, but if you squirm too much I might pop a wheely on this clock-me-go-round and shatter the field goal.  Make a nasty touch down with my putt putt stick.” Eridan would have cursed had he been able to form words.  Now he remembered who that was: _Dave_ Strider.  The one that made less sense than Makara did when he'd had a fresh slice of pie.  
  
 “You make no sense,” Sollux said before be came into view on the other side of Feferi. “And  _you_ shouldn't be awake. Why do you keep _doing_ that?” He tapped his fingers on something and Eridan tried to sigh in aggravation, but oxygen wouldn't come.  He felt like everything inside of him was dabbed and stuffed open with cotton.  There was also the fact that a lot of him felt numb, but he wasn't sure if he wanted to factor that in or not.  
  
 “We have your body frozen, so you can relax,” Aradia supplied from somewhere near his feet. “We've healed your throat, but another scan indicated there was something wrong internally.  We've triple checked, but whatever it was we must have fixed it.” Eridan wanted to tell her that her words were really reassuring, and lay on a heavy coat of sarcasm to let her know how he really felt about that, but he was having trouble opening his mouth.  
  
 Feferi hushed him, running her fingers over his fins and brushing his hair behind his ear.  It felt wonderful, but… it was missing something.  Something in the way she touched him, the lack of something in the press of her fingers.  This wasn’t how you touched a moirail, this was how someone touched their ex when they felt bad for them.  The touch and her presence suddenly felt a million times colder than Eridan had ever expected.  
  
 He didn’t know if he’d really left the group on a killing spree to join Jack, but he did know that Feferi was no longer his moirail.  She had left him probably after he killed her, and… and he didn’t remember it.  He felt his throat close up and the prickle of tears set in his eyes, listening as Feferi tried to hush him.  
  
 “He shouldn’t be in any pain,” Feferi said, her voice sounding worried. “What’s wrong… Sollux can you do a scan?” Eridan listened as the troll in question heaved a sigh and tapped his claws against something once again.  
  
 “He’s fine, he’s just crying,” Sollux grumbled before his voice started fading away. “If he’s really hurt, you can use your powers since you seem to care about him so much.” He also sounded rather bitter.  
  
 “Sollux!” Aradia snapped. “You know that costs us more now in this world than it did in the medium.” Sollux huffed and Eridan let his eyes fall shut, finally able to open his mouth with a bit of force.  
  
 “Fef.” It came out in a rasp, Feferi squeezing his hand to let him know she was there.  
  
 “No, it’s alright, don’t talk Eridan.  You need to rest,” she said, her voice sugar sweet.  
  
 “No… I don’t… remember,” he gasped as Aradia held him down while he coughed.  
  
 “Don’t remember what, Mr. Fish Tits?” Dave asked with a sigh.  
  
 “… Anything,” Eridan whispered before he shut his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't forget this was a thing. I just got busy XD
> 
> Dave is too much fun, okay?


	6. Whale Then

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So stuff gets thrown at Eridan's head in this chapter.

 "Eridan?" The voice that woke him up was soft and sweet when Eridan heard it. "Eridan, come on, let's sit you up." He used his hands and pushed himself into a sitting position with a bit of effort. "Just need to get these on you and, ah, much bettfur." He blinked several times after his glasses were slid onto his face.  Nepeta smiled at him after she came into focus.

 

 "Oh," he blurted out when it really sunk in that it was Nepeta.  She laughed and ruffled his hair.

 

 "Do you remember me, Mr. Ampurra?" she asked him with a smile.  She looked… _different_ , at least from what he remembered of her.  Eridan nodded to let her know that he did remember, and she broke out the fangs in a smile as deadly as the last time he saw it.

 

 Her hair was longer and she was a little bit taller, her face having lost that innocence she used to carry around in public like a mask.  Now Eridan could see what he'd only caught glimpses of before.  The huntress, the killer… he was seeing Nepeta as she stalked her prey.  Only not, because she was relaxed and smiling at him.

 

 "Good, I'm so glad.  Fefuri said you might not remember me," she pouted, but a hint of a playful smile emerged after a few seconds, "I'm glad though, because now I don't have to introduce myself.  Unlike _some_ people I met." She laughed and it took him aback.  She didn't sound like a wiggler anymore.  She was all grown up.

 

 It was scary.  Not her, but the fact that he'd been… well, _dead_ , long enough for her to have grown up.

 

 "Yeah… that's great." he muttered.

 

 She stopped laughing and reached out, a hand on his shoulder.

 

 "Don't worry, I'm here fur a reason afur all." She let go and hoisted herself up on the bed next to him.

 

 "And what reason would that be?" Eridan asked her, noting he was at least _dressed_ for once when he saw someone.  Not what he would have picked this particular outfit out to wear, but it was still better than being naked.  The black sweat pants were baggy and the gray turtleneck was far too long for his arms.  Not the most fashionable, but it was better than nothing.

 

 "Well, I'm a Rogue of Heart, or my godtier is at least.  When evfurryone came together here, all the timelines blended and we got our deadselves powers."  She smiled and reached behind her, pulling out the tail she had hidden in her coat.  Though Eridan guessed the tail went through it, but he didn't know _why_ because fashion faux pas. "Anyway, that just means I can heal emotional damage." Eridan raised an eyebrow at her and pushed his hair back.

 

 "Why would I need that?  I'm fine," he told her, watching as the tail draped over her legs.  It was robotic… interesting.  He… he remembered an injury… something with her spine?  Where did he learn that?

 

 "Well… Fefuri told me some things…" Nepeta looked down and heaved a sigh. "Alright, big girl boots on.  What do you remember?" Eridan rolled his eyes at her and looked around the room.  He'd been moved back to the hospital room, lying on a bed instead of in the coon, though he could see it glowing behind him.

 

 "Whale," Eridan said, and paused to let Nepeta giggle, "I remember Kar and Sol wantin' to play the game, then talkin' to Kar about somethin', I don't remember what though.  We started to play and… I don't remember how we got in, it happened so fast, but we were on the meteor after the door exploded.  After that I… I remember the angels bein' on my mind.  A lot a white, then I snapped right?  I was tryin' to kill Sol and… and I killed Fef, and then I was walkin' to Kan and… I think I told her to kill me." he muttered near the end.

 

 Nepeta reached out and squeezed his hand.  He wanted to jerk away, but her touch eased the unsettled feeling that was swelling inside of him.

 

 "Anything else?" she asked him.

 

 "Yeah, I remember her sawwin' me in half, then waken' up in a tube," Eridan mumbled.  Nepeta bites her lip, but Eridan doesn't feel offended that she wanted to laugh.  It actually… it made him smile.  Something about her was making him feel so safe.

 

 "Do you want me to fill you in on what _really_ happened?" she asked him.  Eridan shrugged and Nepeta inhaled like she was about to throw something out a window.

 

 The analogy fit.

 

 "You did snap.  You decided that you wanted to join Jack and went to ask Fefuri to join you.  She refused and Sollux went to defend her when you raised your wand, so you nearly killed him and she was furrious.  Then you killed her when she tried to defend herself.  You decided if no one else was going to join you, you'd kill us all.  Kanaya broke your wand in half, then… well.  She cut _you_ in half.  That was your timeline, but you don't remember the other timelines, do you?" She asked.

 

 Eridan swallowed and shook his head no.  He was… well, he was expecting more of a reaction to hit him after hearing that news but…

 

 He just felt disappointed in himself.  Nothing drastic like he'd thought, but when he turned to look at Nepeta she looked pale and dizzy.  Eridan let her hand go and she gasped, a sudden rush of emotion hitting him as he realized what Nepeta had been doing.

 

 He felt a few tears falling down his face, but Nepeta…

 

 She was sobbing into her hands.

 

 She took the brunt force of everything, pulled the sword out and shanked herself through the chest.  From the looks of it she had expected to take more, but for now all she could do was cry.  Eridan didn't know what to do - he'd gotten emotions of dread, disgust, disappointment, anger… even _betrayal_ at himself.  And now there was sorrow at having to make Nepeta take them.  Even if it _was_ her choice.

 

 The last time she did this for him it had killed her.

 

 … wait.

 

 "Wait!" Eridan reached out and turned Nepeta toward him, using his sleeves to wipe her face off. "When did this happen before, I… I think I remember this happenin' before?" She sniffled and smiled a little.

 

 "It was in a dream bubble," she told him softly. "Equius and Fefuri were killed and... you were about to kill yourself to go afur her and-"

 

 "And you grabbed me… you grabbed me and you wouldn't let go.  I kept screamin' at you but you just held on and… I couldn't even feel bad about you dyin' in my arms because you took that with you… we..." 

 

 He didn't know what to say.

 

 "We were close in some of the timelines, and then when Fefuri and I shared a body-"

 

 "What?"

 

 "Shush, we shared a body, so did you and Sollux fur a while."

 

 "Oh gross."

 

 "But… well, we all got closer.  Sometimes I'll fish pun around Fefuri or Sollux, and now you I guess." She smiled and leaned against his shoulder.  He remembered a drained face, his lips against hers as he tried to revive her even though godtiers didn't work like that.  

 

 "Weird stuff happened, but I'm purrty sure you'll remember it all." Nepeta smiled and sat up even though she looked ready to cry again. "Okay, I need to go dump these on my matesprit before I make myself sick." Eridan raised an eyebrow as she got off the bed.

 

 "What the fuck did I miss this time?" he askd.  She smiled and tapped the side of her nose.

 

 "You can only watch someone die so many times before something in you changes," she said with a smile.  Eridan leaned back and opened his mouth, then closed it before he tried again.

 

 "Are you sayin' you an _Equ_ …?" He shiverd, but then she laughed.

 

 "No!  Equius and I are still meowrails, only pale diamonds.  I meant me and _Fefuri_." She laughed again when Eridan shook his head, staring at her in confusion. "I'll update you on all the gossip latfur, silly puss.  Right now I shell go check on her; she's worried aboat you." Eridan scoffed but watched Nepeta leave without another word. 

 

  _Well_ then.

 

 Eridan sighed and rubbed his forehead, then wiped his face off on the dry portion of his sleeve.  He had a lot of thinking to do… maybe a walk would help.  With a groan, he got off the bed and started toward the door.  He could do this.  It would be easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never said this would make sense. I want to play whale trail.


	7. Don't be a beach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy this chapter. I had a lot of fun writing it. Also, prepare for possible feelings.

 Eridan is four steps out of the containment room when something bumps into him hard enough to knock him off his balance.  Or rather, _someone_ knocked him off his balance.  Arms that were long and almost terrifyingly wrapped around him, scooping him away from the floor before he could really figure out what had happened.  
  
 “Oh shit, my fish brother has done up and been hit by my clumsy fuckin’ self, I am so motherfuckin’ sorry my man.  Can’t really do anythin’ right though, so at least I caught you.” Gamzee turned Eridan around with a quick spin and straightened his clothes. “You chill, bro?”  
  
 Eridan wanted to bite back that he wasn’t, but he couldn’t.  
  
 He was too busy staring at this tired, massively terrifying figure that was Gamzee Makara sans his face paint.  His presence alone had every bit of cartilage and marrow in Eridan's body screaming to run, but he was glued to the spot.  It wasn’t to say that Eridan was short compared to Gamzee and intimidated by his height, in fact he was only about a quarter of an inch shorter if one didn’t count horns, but…  
  
 Gamzee had grown into his blood and apparently unlocked a shit ton of chuckle voodoo pheromones.  His shoulders were too broad on his lanky frame, slouch hammered into his spine and horns curving and nicked from who knew what.  There were three long scars that went across his face, faintly grey and purple with their age.  He looked like a monster, a monster who had retired and now made wiggler-cozies for Lusii to carry their brats home in.  
  
 “Eridan?” Gamzee asked as he leaned down, raising an eyebrow at him in confusion. “Don’t tell me my fine kitty sister got that wicked tongue of yours, did she?  Pretty chica like that can do whatever she wants and still be fine.  … Oh damn, don’t be lettin’ that slip or my hide will be torn.” Gamzee muttered.  
  
 “Don’t be a twit,” Eridan snapped just to cut off his rambling. “You startled me!  I’m not…” Gamzee stopped him by squinting and looking at Eridan’s face like he was reading text.  
  
 “Oh!” Gamzee stood up and smacked his forehead. “You ain’t never seen me out and about without my face on!” His laughter was a deep boom and it echoed into Eridan’s bone marrow.  His fins ached with the sound and trembled.  There was a flash of memory, looking up at Gamzee covered in bright blue blood as he held Tavros close to him, screaming while he died.  
  
 It made Eridan swallow and take a step back.  
  
 “I don’t think I have, no.” He felt a shiver try to escape down his spine, but Gamzee didn’t seem to notice.  In fact, he clapped his hands together a few times and then put one on Eridan’s shoulder, the other waving toward the hallway.  
  
 “I was just going to the beach to look for my dear old like I do every night, do you want to join me on a lusus hunt?” Gamzee’s smile was soft and genuine, but also sad.  Very sad.  Like he’d asked this question a million times and gotten no for every answer.  
  
 Eridan got another flash, this time of a very dead Gamzee beneath him, his own hands ripping out the trolls guts.  It made him want to be sick, but at the same time made him feel justified, like the death in that memory was called for.  
  
 He suddenly missed Nepeta and her power.  Something was off about this, but ever since she'd soaked up his hurt she'd seemed to open up his memories, bit by bit.  
  
 “I’d love to get out of this tiny tinder box, lead the way.” He felt awful for lying, but the way Gamzee’s face lit up was worth it.  
  
 They didn’t really say anything as Gamzee started walking down the hall, big feet making huge echoes on the floor, but that was alright.  It seemed he either had nothing to say, or he enjoyed the silence and the company.  
  
  After a long and winding trip down near identical hallways, Eridan was starting to think that this was all he would ever see.  
  
  But then Gamzee turned them down a hall with pictures on the walls and floor, finger painted murals everywhere.  Eridan wanted to ask where they were, but Gamzee had let go of him to kneel down in the middle of the hall with his hand near the wall.  He picked up one of the pictures and put it back on a bulletin board with a spare pin.  There was a silence where Eridan wanted to ask millions of questions, but then laughter echoed down the hall so suddenly that he jumped.  
  
 “What was that?” he snapped, reaching for a weapon that wasn’t even there.  He didn’t even have a sylladex equipped.  He felt so naked. “And where are my effects?”  
  
 “That, my watery fin-bro, was the sound of a miracle.  And I dunno where your shit is.  Might wanna ask that talkin’ computer though.” Gamzee stood up and shouted the word ‘honk,’ and for a few seconds Eridan tasted pure acid in his wind chute.  That had been unnecessarily terrifying for no understandable reason.  
  
 “Seriously, what fuckin’ was that?” Eridan asked as Gamzee started walking again.  
  
 “Just some wigglers and toddlers.  Gotta go by the Pupa section to get out to that beach, you know?  The stronger ones like runnin’ around the halls.” Gamzee smiled like he was witty and Eridan just raised his eyebrows before following.  They passed more colorful hallways, then exited through a big red door that was covered in finger paint and the glittery mess of the word ‘Exit.’  
  
 At least Eridan hoped it was just finger paint.  
  
 Outside the sun was low and hidden behind tall trees and clouds, the door leading them to a patio shutting with a rattle.  Eridan groaned and used one hand to cover his face, hissing low at the light and feeling his fins flatten.  He could taste salt on the air though, so it wasn't all bad.  
  
 “Ain’t no need to get your hackles all up and shiny, this sun ain’t a fire starter like ours was.  This one is just annoyin’ as shit.” Gamzee told him as he chuckled.  It was still a terrifying sound.  His feet thumped loudly down the steps, his claws flicking leaves off the railing as he walked. “Still, nice to sit out here in the sunset.  I used to wake up early as shit to wait for my dear old.” It made Eridan feel a little queasy to hear Gamzee talk about his lusus like that.  
  
 “You must… really care about him,” he muttered as he followed after him.  Eridan took the steps down and landed his feet into beach sand after what felt like miles of wood.  It was pure heaven between his toes.  
  
 “Yeah, old goat is mine, even if he ain’t around all that much.  What about yours, you think you’ll find him out here?” Gamzee asked as he made his way over a large dune.  He was giant and clumsy over the sand, and it was kind of cute but also something Eridan thought would terrify him for ages if he ever saw it coming toward him instead of walking away from him.  
  
 “Oh, yeah, he’s probably ready to scream his head off at me.  I’ve got no idea how that idiot got here though.” Eridan stopped walking at the top of the dune, breathing in sharply.  What he saw was… it nearly made him stop breathing.  
  
 “You care about your dear old too, see?” Gamzee walked down and looked back with a smile.  He stopped when Eridan didn’t follow him, waiting his friend out.  He looked out at the water and laughed after a while. “Shit!  Right, forgot to tell you, fish bro, this shit changes colors!  It’s all clean too, you can swim in it and catch shit and eat it, it’s fuckin’ crazy cool.” Gamzee started walking again and Eridan felt his gills tremble.  
  
 The water looked like green and blue dish soap, swirling with the smallest traces of purple and red.  It was bathing the white sand in a clear stain, no color resceding when it ebbed away.  It was so… alien.  Which was ironic as hell, he had to admit.  Eridan shook off his stupor and walked down the dune to sit next to Gamzee, staring transfixed at the water.   From the start of this, Eridan had expected to have Gamzee lead him outside and then make a run for it, but now it was a different story.  
  
 Something was making him sit with this freak of a troll and stare out at the water.  Waiting.  Hoping.  
  
 Wait…  
  
 Why was he hoping?  
  
 Why did that word strike him as _important_?  
  
 “Screw this quiet nautical nonsense,” Eridan huffed as he stood up.  
  
 “Heh, you made a sea reference,” Gamzee said with a dopey smile.  
  
 “Pop!” Eridan screamed out over the water. “Pop, get your lazy ass out here right now!” He waited, hands ready to cup around his face if he needs to scream again.  
  
 “Pop?” Gamzee asked him in confusion as he leaned over his knees.  
  
 “He popped all the bubbles I would make when I was a wiggler.  I tried to change it later but it’s all the blasted thing answers to.” Eridan couldn’t fathom why he was sharing this, but he turned back to the ocean and screamed his lusus’ title one more time.  
  
 “What the actual fuck of a flying honk beast are you doing out of the hospital?!” A voice shouted from behind them.  Eridan turned in time to see an enraged Karkat stumbling down the sand dune.  Gamzee stood up and cast a shadow several feet long over him. “Did he put you up to this?  God damn it Makara, I will kill you for real this time if you put him in danger!” Karkat looked livid, and Gamzee actually backed up until his feet splashed in the water.  
  
 “No, no, Karkat it ain’t like that, you know I ain’t like that no more.  I changed like you said I had to, I-”  
  
 Karkat screamed in frustration and it cut off Gamzee's rambling as he coward in on himself.  Eridan had enough of this confusing bullshit.  
  
 “It was my idea, stop screamin’ you shrimp.” He crossed his arms and glared at Karkat, though it wasn't very heated.  In fact, it was a lot more playful than he’d intended.  They stared at one another and Eridan finally got a good look at his friend through the glare of the sun.  Karkat  was much taller now, filled in even, though he still looked like a tired squeak beast ready to drop dead beneath the planks on his old ship, but now…  
  
 Now Karkat looked mature.  The kind of mature that came with having to face something heartbreaking and walk out of it stronger.  His horns were a bit thicker than he remembered, his hair still looked like a nest of seabird debris, but he was handsome.  His eyes were a sharp red, eerily so, and he was wearing what looked like pink hospital scrubs.  
  
 Eridan had no idea why he knew what those looked like, but he did.  
  
 Moving on.  
  
 The wind picked up and Karkat huffed, licking his lips to keep them from drying out.  Suddenly Eridan remembered kissing Karkat Vantas in a completely nonsexual way.  A totally pale way, a fistful of hair and sweater, then Karkat clinging to his chest as he died.  He also remembered a heated kiss that was red, something fast before they were torn apart.  Then another memory of the two of them hugging, for some reason he was wearing hideous yellow shorts in that memory.  
  
 “I had wings,” he said, suddenly feeling very light headed and swaying on the sand.  
  
 “What, yeah you did but- Shit, don’t hurt yourself, I’ve got you.” Karkat was at Eridan’s side and propping him up, a glare turned to Gamzee. “Look what you’ve fucking done,” he hissed as Gamzee whimpered.  
  
 “Oh my cod will you stuff a dirty sock up your nook already?” Eridan snapped. “Leave the poor guy alone, what has he ever done to you?” He paused. “Today I mean, crimany.  I asked Gamzee to bring me out here when I ran into him in the hallway.  I wanted him to sit with me while I looked for my lusus.” Eridan crossed his arms and watched as Karkat let him go with a raised eyebrow.  
  
 “… what are you talking about?” Karkat asked.  
  
 “Oh sure, I’ve only been alive again for a little while.  Why _wouldn’t_ I want to see the lusus who raised me?” Eridan rolled his eyes and looked back at Gamzee.  He was still curled in on himself. “Don’t let this puff ball bug you, Gam, we’ll keep lookin’ for our lusii all through the night if we have to.” Gamzee smiled, bright and genuine.  
  
 “You mean that?” Gamzee asked.  
  
 “I do,” Eridan told him with a smile.  
  
 “No, you won’t,” Karkat snapped at them both. “You have to get back inside.  You’re not released, nor are you cleared.” He grabbed Eridan’s hand and Gamzee growled suddenly.  Before Eridan could snap at them both, Karkat turned and snarled back.  He let Eridan go and stomped forward, Gamzee cowering as Karkat bared his fangs. “You’re already on thin ice with me, don’t push it any further.” Gamzee scrubbed at his face and then reached out to take Karkat’s hand, whining.  
  
 It was all _very_ pale.  
  
 And kind of grossly over affectionate when Gamzee dragged Karkat’s hand to his face and whispered ‘I’m sorry’ over and over again.  Karkat sighed, fingers brushing against Gamzee’s cheek for a few seconds, then against his lips.  It was a shadow of a diamond quadrant that once was.  A very obvious shadow.  
  
 When Karkat snatched his hand away and took several steps back he was looking down at the ground while Gamzee slumped to his knees and started crying. “Don’t… I can’t anymore, you ended it, Gamzee.  _You_ , not me, you _know_ how much this hurts me because you know how much I need you lately.  Stop fucking with me, make up your mind and stop trying to hurt me.  Eridan, follow me _now_.” Karkat turned and started stomping up the sand dune.  
  
 “Umm,” Eridan looked between the two of them and waved a hand in the air. “I’m not goin’ to get an explanation, am I?” He watched Gamzee smile up at him through his tears.  
  
 “Just the past comin’ round to haunt a motherfucker,” Gamzee said, voice wrecked with sorrow.  
  
 “Ampora, I said _now_!” Karkat screamed at the top of the dune.  
  
 “Fuckin’ hold your undergarments for five clicks, you bulge licker!” Eridan shouted back. “Will you be okay, Gam?  I know we ain’t the best of friends, but-”  
  
 Gamzee started crying harder.  
  
 “What?  What did I do?” Eridan started to kneel down, but Karkat screamed at him again.  He gave him the three finger salute and listened to Karkat snarl in disgust. “Gam, what’s wrong?” He asked.  
  
 “Brother… you mean that you’re my friend?  You honestly mean that?  'Cause a friend is a hard fuckin’ thing to come by for fuckers like me.” Gamzee said, face smeared with sand as he tried to mop up his tears.  
  
 “Uh… yes?” Eridan was starting to hate this missing puzzle piece thing. 

 Gamzee smiled at him through his obvious confusion, then waved at the dune. “I’ll find you later then, my brother.  You go see what he’s shoutin’ about.” Gamzee's smile was weak but reassuring.  Eridan nodded, feeling that leaving wasn’t actually the best idea, but then again he _had_ just been dismissed.  He turned and ran up the dune, getting a three finger salute from Karkat in return.  
  
 “I had no idea you loved that up your nook.” Eridan said with a huff. “What’s crawled up there anyway?  I know he’s weird, but-”  
  
 “Don’t hang out with him.  Don’t feed his delusion,” Karkat snapped. “He knows our lusii are dead, so do you.” He huffed and turned toward the path.  Eridan nearly tripped as he walked down the other side of the dune.  
  
 “That isn’t funny,” he muttered, wrapping his arms around himself.  Karkat grabbed his shoulders to steady him, turning him around.  They stared at one another before Eridan nearly collapsed at the look in Karkat's eyes.  He held him up and pulled out a small box, pressing a button on the side. “Holy fuck, you’re serious, Pop is dead.” Eridan whispered.  
  
 “I need a wheelchair at the peds exit, stat.  I am also paging Sollux Captor for the _millionth_ time, tell him to get his ass down here before I rip his face off.” Karkat’s voice sounded a million miles away.  
  
 Gamzee sat out there, day after day, looking for something he hoped in.  And he’d hoped too, and it had just been debunked.  And…  
  
 Why did this hurt so much?  
  
 “I think I need Nepeta,” Eridan blurted out. “Otherwise I’m goin’ to… I don’t know, my head is spinnin’!”  
  
 Karkat paused, then lifted the box back to his face.  
  
 “And tell both of our Princesses that Ampora is having a meltdown,” he grumbled.


	8. Conciliatory Reprimand

 Karkat dragged Eridan to the patio, letting him drop down to his knees and slump against the railing while he yelled into his little box.  He waved his arms about angrily like it might actually accomplish something, all while looking fit to be tied in a half knot around the post.  His fangs were bared and claws dug into his palms when he wasn't lashing them out at the air, fury encompassing him.  The shouting had reached a near headache induced levels of noise pollution, and it was doing nothing to help with the way the world was spinning around Eridan's eyes.  Each pulse of noise making the wooden planks of the patio vibrate.  
  
 “Kar… Kar stop yellin’, you’re doin’ my head in.” Eridan let it out in a few short breaths, rubbing his temple as he tried to get the ache to lessen.  Karkat snapped something at him in retaliation, and the pounding only got worse.  Eridan pressed his palms over his fins, letting them fold down onto his aural canals in an effort to drown him out.  The pounding was a steady thump he could feel through his entire body, rattling the wood beneath him.  
  
 But a migraine wouldn’t cause the wood beneath him to rattle the way it currently was.  
  
 Eridan looked up, one hand holding his head while the other gripped one of the posts to the railing.  His vision was cast in a long shadow as Gamzee stormed over, hand outstretched as he smacked Karkat across the face.  He was still crying, still messy with sand and salt, but he looked stern.  
  
 “I can hear your fuckin’ shoutin’ all the way down to the motherfuckin’ beach,” Gamzee said, a low growl forming in his throat.  The world began to get blurry then, so Eridan let his head rest on the rails.  
  
 “You… you just slapped me!” Karkat sounded astounded, and much quieter.  
  
 “You dragged him away from me because he was sick, right?” Gamzee’s voice remained at one volume, but it seemed to darken. “Then motherfuckin’ keep his head from splittin’, stop bein’ such a buzz kill you-” Karkat cut Gamzee off by saying.  
  
 “You _slapped_ me!  Instead of ripping my head off or cutting my throat, you just… _slapped_ me.” Karkat dropped his box and it made a loud clatter on the patio floor. “Gamzee come here!” Things blurred together then, and Eridan couldn’t tell if there were two figures standing in front of him or four.  
  
 The noise leveled out to a steady buzz of short syllable words and then beeps.  Eridan tried to fight through the heavy bah beast shavings and got a little more coherent, but it was still a mess.  He looked up, squinting through the mass of figures surrounding him.  
  
 “Erifin?  Oh guppy, you look awful.” He made that out through the crowd, soft and hidden, but still there.  
  
 “Fef…” He lifted his hand, hoping… no he was _praying_ that she’d take it.  For a long moment she didn’t, and then her fingers looped with his and he felt the cool material of the end of her skirts cover his face.  
  
 She hadn’t done this since they were wigglers playing games that were far too pink for his chest cavity not to notice.  “My little guppy fish,” Feferi whispered. “It’s alright now, come on, whale get you inside.” The fact that Feferi was once again putting more stock into their relationship that wasn’t even a thing anymore than Eridan was hurt worse than the migraine did.  He groaned and let hands pull him up, then felt two people on either side of him tuck themselves against him.  
  
 Both were short, one he knew to be Feferi, the other was familiar.  Also, he was suddenly not worried anymore so…  
  
 “Nep?” He knew the feel of her coat, knew her height, knew the press of her side against his.  He didn’t know how, but he _knew_ it.  
  
 “Right here, you big old codfish, let’s get you somewhere that doesn’t smell like dead fish,” she said, purring and nuzzles her face against Eridan’s rib stems.  
  
 “Rude,” Feferi said on the other side of him, but it was sweet and playful.  They began a slow, easy pace inside, the lights dimming so Feferi could ease her skirt off Eridan’s face.  The room slowly began to work its way back into focus, lights flickering in and out of view.  He sighed the farther in they went, feeling fingers run through his hair to rub at the base of his horns.  
  
 “I don’t deserve this.” He said in sudden clarity, shivering as someone flicked his nose.  
  
 “Uh huh, we’ve all been through the tidal waves that were the tsunami of that _game_ , Erifish,” Feferi said. “Besides, Nepeta told me about one of the dream bubbles where you two were _morayeels_!  I was so shocked, and a little eelous of fur.  She… made me miss you,” Feferi said as she reached up and brushed a finger over Eridan’s cheek.  
  
 Nepeta snorted. “Oh, am I fur now?” she asked with a chuckle.  
  
 “ _Her_ , darn it look what you made me do.” The two laughed and Eridan sighed, blinking several times as the world finally became crisp lines and solid shapes.  
  
 “Still don’t deserve this, I don’t remember bein’ her moirail,” Eridan said as they turned a corner. “I don’t deserve all a this attention.  I killed people, and-”  
  
 “Gamzee bashed my skull in once, after strangling Equius to death of course,” Nepeta chimed in.  She sounded so upbeat about it. “I had tea with him last week just so he wouldn’t feel like I hated him,” she said.  
  
 “But you _do_ hate him, kitten,” Feferi countered.  
  
 “That doesn’t mean I won’t fur-give him fur his past and try to start oh-fur, everyone deserves a clean slate here.” Nepeta nodded ahead of them. “Even you, Ampurra.  How many times do we have to tell you that?” she asked as Feferi slipped out from his side to open a door.  
  
 “Let’s get you on the platform, my little guppy fish,” Feferi said as she hurried back to his side.  A few minutes later and some awkward scrambling, Eridan was sitting up on the platform surrounded by pillows and blankets while Nepeta tapped a holo screen with her fingers.  
  
 Feferi was sitting beside him on the platform, holding his hand with a smile as she wiggled her fins at him. “When you’re better, we’ll go swimming, okay?  I’m pretty sure your gills want some water in them.  Mine felt like they were going to dry up when I came to.” she said.  Eridan wanted to tell her no, that she needed to stay far away from him, but he didn’t get to.  
  
 Instead he was startled by the door swinging open with a kick, banging against the wall and making his fins shrink down against his face as it echoed inside his thinkpan.  He looked up to see Sollux, or… someone he assumed to be Sollux.  
  
 The troll in the doorway was tall and lanky, which Eridan recognized, but whoever this was, they looked… different.  He had thick sideburns and thicker horns than Eridan remembered Sollux having, and his eyes were bright with crackling red and blue sparks around the corners of his oculars as his glasses fell down his nose.  He was wearing a thin white coat that had wires strew out of the pocket, making him look like a mad scientist.  
  
 “Why was he out of bed?” That voice was definitely the one Eridan had heard a few days ago though, so there was no denying that this was the asshole he loathed. “And why are you here, F.F.?  You have more important things to do than look after this fuckwit,” Sollux snapped, the door slamming shut behind him with red and blue crackles.  
  
 “Don’t order my matesprit around,” Nepeta warned with a singsong, still tapping the screen.  
  
 “She’s not exclusively _yours_ ,” Sollux growled back.  
  
 “I’m right here too,” Feferi muttered before turning back to Eridan. “You should sleep, I'll come back later to check on you and your gills,” she said, reaching out to brush hair away from Eridan’s face.  
  
 “I’ve slept enough already,” Eridan argued, crossing his arms even though he could feel exhaustion creeping up on him.  That pissed him off more than anything, he’d only been awake a few hours and now he wanted to sleep again?  That was _not_ going to happen.  
  
 Sollux continued to rant, low words that bit through the air and accusing fingers pointed and jabbed in Eridan’s direction.  “He’s not allowed out of his room until all of his tests come back positive.  On top of that, he’s a fucking psychopath!  He killed Feferi-”  
  
 “I’m sitting right here.” Eridan cut in.  
  
 “And he didn’t even care!  He tried to force her into a matespritship and was going to kill all of us to join-” This time it wasn’t Eridan to cut Sollux off.  
  
 “Drop it.” It was Feferi, voice dark and growling. “Right now, take it outside with me if you have to, but _drop_ it.” She sounded vicious and ready for a fight, it made both Eridan and Sollux wilt.  She stood up, fixing her skirts and patting Eridan’s hand before walking around the bed to stand beside Nepeta. “I’m ready to go, but I’ll come back later to check up on you,” she said as she looped her fingers with Nepeta’s. “I’m sorry if this seems pale.  I’m letting you know right now it’s not.” Eridan’s collapsing and expanding bladder based aquatic vascular system nearly burst through his chest in pain.  
  
 “You can finish checking him back in.” Nepeta told Sollux as Feferi started dragging her toward the door. “I have my com on though, so if you need me Ampurra, just press the red button by your bed!” she squeaked as Feferi yanked the door open and then hurried them through it.  
  
 “I may be your moirail Sollux, but if you hurt my guppy I’ll make you wish you’d never been resurrected,” Feferi said, low and venomous before she waved. “Toodles.” She shut the door and Eridan stared at it.  
  
 He felt numb.  
  
 “Fucking thtupid woman!” Sollux ranted. “I’m not going to hurt the fuckwit, he’th jutht a liability!” Eridan groaned as Sollux continued his rant, face buried in his hands.  No one really wanted him here and he was starting to contemplate the art of drowning in that ocean.  
  
 That was when his glasses beeped at him.  
  
 “What was that?” Sollux asked, his lisp gone as he stood straight and leered over in Eridan’s direction.  On the inside of his glasses, Eridan began to read.  
  
> \--TD began communing with caligulasAquarium[cA]--  
  
TD: Eridan, I know this may come as quite a shock to you, but Mr. Captor is on-route to your room and I wanted to inform you.  Seeing as the last conversation left my circuits quite puzzled, I thought it would be kind to give you ‘a friendly heads up.’  
TD: I do hope you’re alright with this.  
  
 Eridan blinked and then felt himself start to laugh. “What the fuck is so funny?  Who would be talking to you?” Sollux asked, reaching out to try and snatch his glasses away.  Eridan evaded the hand and quickly thought up a reply before the psiioniic could snatch them away.  
  
cA: yeah i knoww ted  
cA: but thanks for lettin me knoww  
cA: also if you could inform someone that im bein mistreated by a giant ball a static  
cA: that wwould be great  
TD: I do not understand?  
cA: sol is bein a jerk and tryin a steal my glasses  
TD: That will not do. I will inform Mr. Strider and Mr. Zahhak at once and have Mr. Captor reprimanded as his conciliatory quadrants see fit.  
  
\--TD’s status as been set to away--  
  
 The glasses zipped off Eridan’s face with red sparks and he fell over laughing.


	9. Broken Door Hinges

 It took Eridan a few minutes to stop laughing, tears at the corners of his eyes as he wheezed and felt his gills strain not to flare out.  The laughter was so obviously hysterical that he was surprised he was able to stop it, but he was glad that Sollux hadn’t interrupted it or said something to make it worse.  
  
 When he could breath again he rubbed at his face, looking over to see Sollux pace back and forth on the other side of the room.  His figure was nothing but quick moving shapes and sparks of blue and red light, it was sort of hypnotic.  With dying snickers, Eridan pushed himself up to his elbows and shifted on the hospital receptacle so he was a bit more comfortable.  
  
 Sollux glared at the glasses in his hand and turned around with a snarl, finally facing Eridan after his laughing fit. “There’s _nothing_ on here that would have caused you to loose your shit like that finface, it’s just a blank screen.” He hissed as he waved Eridan’s glasses around.  Eridan rolled his eyes and tossed his legs onto the receptacle in spite of himself, hoping to relax further as he stretched out on the pillows.  
  
 “Well, seems like there _is_ someone who cares if I’m alive or not,” Eridan muttered as he turned away from Sollux, “now may I have my glasses back?” he asked, one hand outstretched.  
  
 “Don’t you _dare_ come off all high and mighty to me,” Sollux warned, a growl starting in his throat, “just because you can’t remember your life doesn’t mean I… can’t.” Eridan pushed himself up and glared, sleepy and fighting just to get his point across.  
  
 As he squinted over at Sollux to bitch at him for being so hung up on his past, he made out the confused look across Sollux’s face.  At least he assumed it was a confused look, it was still pretty hard to see that far away without his glasses.  Damn being nearsighted.  
  
 “ _Do_ you remember bein’ inside my head when we were apparently sharin’ a body?” Eridan asked suddenly, “I obviously don’t, but do you?” he waited, watching Sollux blink a few times by the difference in the blue and red lights.  
  
 “Of course I…” Sollux trailed off, his figure standing straighter as a hand reached up to his forehead, “wait… why can’t I _remember_?” Sollux muttered. “It was fine a few days ago and now there’s,” he trailed off again.  
  
 “A huge blank?” Eridan asked him, “that’s my entire head right now, I can _feel_ the gaps up there.  I _know_ I’m missin’ somethin’ all the time, but I don’t know what it is.” Eridan crossed his arms as he sneered at the ceiling.  
  
 Sollux snarled in response to Eridan’s haughtiness, a growl so very familiar sounding that it was as if it was a memory Eridan didn’t really have was playing in the back of his head.  Before Eridan could respond with words he had answered with his own growl, turning his head to flick his tongue out at Sollux behind his front fangs.  
  
 They both froze and blinked when Sollux stopped growling and dropped Eridan’s glasses to the floor in shock.  
  
 That little mannerism was something Sollux did, a little tick he’d started when he got properly frustrated with his lisp or someone else while they had a conversation.  Instead of spit a proper word, he’d just flick his tongue at them and create a quick ‘ _thht_ ’ noise.  Eridan winced when his head started throbbing, one hand clenched under his left horn.  The headache was back.  
  
 “You think making fun of me ith a good idea?” Sollux hissed, eyes crackling as objects began floating around the room.  He took three stomping steps toward Eridan and then flinched when the door to the room cracked in half and fell off the top hinge.  A tall troll with what appeared to be a horn and a half stood in the light from the hallway, arms at his sides and fists clenching and unclenching.  Eridan knew who that was without even having to bother.  
  
 Equius threw the remainder of the barrier out of the way and the light behind him hurt Eridan’s eyes even more. “Mr. Captor.” Equius voice was full of warning shots and black eyes as he snatched Sollux off the ground by the back of his collar.  
  
 “I am _not_ a rag doll, put me down.” Sollux grumbled as he crossed his arms and hung in the air, resolute.  Equius looked down at Eridan’s glasses on the ground and pointed at them, giving Sollux the smallest jerk until blue static lifted the glasses and flew them over to Eridan’s ‘coon side table.  When they settled, Equius dropped Sollux to his feet and slowly crossed his arms.  
  
 “I advise you to leave.” Equius’ voice was low and very angry, it sent a chill down Eridan’s back as he scrambled to grab his glasses and shove them back onto his face.  
  
 “How do you people get here so fast?” Sollux asked, entirely too frustrated for his own good.  
  
 “I _was_ spending lunch with my moirail, so I was in the area when she was called away for Mr. Ampora.” Equius growled when Sollux tried to cut in, so low it sounded like a motor revving.  Eridan turned around and looked over at the two trolls, blinking in surprise.  
  
 Equius had filled out since his death and resurrection, no longer tall and lanky with skinny wrists and greasy hair.  Now Equius had muscles and was cleaned up, hair longer and in a low ponytail.  He had ditched the tank top for a short sleeve shirt, but he still wore the hideous pants and high sock combo.  His sunglasses were still broken and hanging down his nose, but they looked good on him in an odd way.  His broken horn had seemed to grow ever so slightly and the unbroken one was thicker and darker, or maybe it was just because his hair looked thicker when it was washed.  
  
 “Don’t get angry at me, you didn’t have to come here just because-” Sollux was cut off when Equius reached out and turned him toward the door with one hand.  
  
 “She was going to redo my braids,” Equius muttered, “the ones she likes, the ones _I_ like because they keep my hair out of my face.  It was _your_ job to keep an eye on his recovery, and you couldn’t do that.  So I have every right to be behooved over your behavior, and I’ll advice you once again to leave the highbloods room before I am advised to take drastic measures against your person by forcibly removing you.” Equius waited as Sollux’s psiioniics snapped and crackled around his eyes in frustration.  
  
 “You…” Sollux seemed to deflate and rubbed at his forehead, reaching out to pat Equius’ shoulder. “Sorry, E.Q.  I’m just cranky.” He offered a smile to Equius and then waved over at Eridan. “I’m not actually in charge of him, I don’t know who told you that but they were wrong.” Sollux turned on his heel and stormed out of the room in a cloud of static and lab coat.  
  
 Equius let out a frustrated sigh and turned, giving a nod to Eridan. “Highblood.” He muttered.  
  
 “Uh… Equ.” Eridan muttered, giving him a half hearted salute. “Thanks for that, I guess?” With an awkward shrug, Eridan looked over at the coon and bit the inside of his cheek.  
  
 He wondered if he could make it into the coon without any help.  
  
 “I…” Equius seemed to recoil at what he was about to say, then shook his head and smiled.  A genuine one before he pushed his sunglasses up his nose and put his arms behind his back. “Right, you’ll undergo physical therapy with me if you wish, or someone else of your choosing if you see me unfit or too strong.  I may not be a doctor like some of the people here, Mr. Vantas for example.” Eridan groaned at the thought of his grouchy friend.  
  
 “Shocker to everyone.” Eridan muttered.  
  
 “But I _do_ know about physical recovery, I have helped many of the trolls and humans here.  If you would like it, I’ll be willing to help you too.” Equius sighed and quickly dug a handkerchief out of his pocket, dabbing the back of his neck with it. “As a favor to my beloved moirail, of course.” Eridan raised an eyebrow, but before he could say anything, Equius was stuffing the handkerchief back into his pocket and turning toward the door. “I need to go.” He hurried out without another word.  No smell of lingering sweat left in his wake.  
  
 Eridan groaned when the few bits of the door were set back in place by Equius with several fumbled apologies, but even with the wood of the door put up it didn’t really fix anything.  His head hurt far too much for him to give a fuck, so he simply undressed and walked over to the coon.  When the headache started throbbing again Eridan felt himself fighting just to climb up the side of the coon, but then warm hands were on his sides.  
  
 He knew that he should have fought back, and maybe he did, but all the hands really did was help him into the sopor bed and pet his hair down gently.  They scooped the glasses off his face and muttered something, but Eridan was half asleep by then and not really paying attention.  If people really wanted him dead, he’d never have been resurrected.  As he fell in and out of sleep he listened to the conversation above him, all the while feeling someone petting his hair.  Or maybe he was imagining that.  
  
 “He couldn’t even get in the damn ‘coon by himself, he was so exhausted.  I’ll have to lower the thing into the floor tomorrow.  Look at this, he’s even covered in bruises, I swear trolls are _so_ bad at being doctors.” One of the voices rambled.  Dirk maybe?  
  
 “Dude, my boy is so fucking badass at bein’ a doctor, don’t you start shit.  I will reach through time just to bitch slap you before you even say that.” That sounded so very much like Dave.  
  
 “No you won’t.”  
  
 “Shut the board game up, we seem to have a winner at the game of Sorry.”  
  
 “Stop.”  
  
 …  
  
 “He’ll be okay though, won’t he?” Dave again.  
  
 “Fuck if I know, he just needs time.  And maybe a really good therapist.”  
  
 “Bro, we know only the best.”  
  
 “No, you know only the best.  She’s my weird ecto-mom, your weird ecto-sister, and my not-wife’s ecto-mom-daughter.”  
  
 “Why is she weird though?  She’s ecto for sure, but if you keep dropping a W bomb I’m gonna start wonderin’ what you’re implyin’ about my not-wife.”  
  
 “Two words.  Grimdark tentacles.”  
  
 “Dude, your not-wife can create shit out of nothing and turn invisible, she can also hack anythin’ even if she’s shitfaced.  Why not say we both win.”  
  
 “Why are they our not-wives again?”  
  
 “I don’t know, I thought it sounded cool.”  
  
 “You know what else sounds cooler than cool?”  
  
 “A can town party?”  
  
 “I was going to say ice cold.  Way to ruin my joke and not catch on to basic terrible hilarity returned to the light for fantastic laughter and groans of agony.”  
  
 “I missed you too.”  
  
\--  
  
 There was a loud crash and subsequent slew of curses outside what was left of Eridan’s door and it echoed around the room to wake him several times.  He let himself float up to the surface of the sopor, then took time to hoist himself up to the rim to see what the fuck was going on.  
  
 There was a cerulean blooded wiggler and a violet blooded wiggler staring up at him from the floor, sitting cross legged and holding crayons as they blinked at Eridan over their paper.  He opened his mouth to say… well, anything, but didn’t.  Their horns were both spirals, each in the opposite direction.  
  
 “Go back to sleep, I’m not done here yet.” The cerulean blood muttered.  
  
 “Don’ tell Missa Van’as we was in here, please?” The sea dweller begged. “He’ll ge’ so mad tha’ we wasn’ in our own coons.” Whoever the boy was, he was one who knew the art of milking the wriggler eyes.  He tugged at his sleeve, chewing on the end as the cerulean blooded girl reached out gave a weak pap to the boys face.  
  
 “If he yells at you I’ll just yell right back.” She said, nodding her approval when the boy blushed and reached across for more crayons.  Eridan just groaned and sank back into the sopor.  
  
 Totally not worth asking why there were two wigglers hiding in his hospital room.  Not if they were honestly hiding from Karkat of all trolls.  
  
\--  
  
 “Alright you good for nothing sack of hoofbeast shit, get your festering carcass out of that ‘coon this instant!” Karkat’s voice was followed by the pulse of him kicking the side of the ‘coon.  Eridan spluttered his way out of the sopor, hanging off the rim and looking around in shock.  
  
 Strange room.  Naked.  Sore in places he wished he wasn’t.  Alive.  Karkat.  
  
 Oh god, beautiful Karkat with his beautifully angry face, wearing fuck knew what.  Eridan couldn’t help but purr when he reached out to grab his matesprit by the shoulders and drag him into a good evening kiss.  
  
 It was when Karkat squeaked as their lips met that things clicked into place.  A hard snap in his mind.  
  
 Wrong timeline.    
  
 No matesprit’s in this life, he was only just now alive again.  
  
  His hands let go of Karkat as quickly as they had grabbed him.  When they did Karkat took a step back and touched his mouth, looking away and shivering.  
  
 “I’m sorry.” Eridan blurted out, but Karkat waved his hand to brush the topic away.  
  
 “I’ve been debriefed, I was told you couldn’t… remember certain things.” Karkat said, no longer looking at Eridan as he scooped up a towel and held it out, other hand yanking open what Eridan had assumed to be a closet.  It was in fact a bathroom.  
  
 Good call on his part.  
  
 “I didn’t think one of the last thing you’d remember was us.” That was whispered, so quiet like Karkat didn’t even want to say it.  But there it was, out in the open and filling up the room.  Eridan could feel his face flushing as he climbed out of the ‘coon and wrapped himself in the towel, tiptoeing over to the bathroom door as his legs throbbed.  
  
 That was a welcomed sensation.  
  
 “Uh, if it makes you feel any better, it was a good kiss?” Eridan ventured.  For some reason, humor seemed to be the only thing that his brain was supplying him.  It seemed to be the right choice, because the tension in Karkat’s shoulders relaxed as he snorted and nodded toward the shower.  
  
 “Oh fuck off, wash up and get dressed.  Some clothes are on the counter so when you’re all dolled up I want you to get out here so I can go over your day with you.” Karkat said, turning to flash a split second of a smile at Eridan before he walked back toward the door.  
  
 Eridan nodded, hand on the bathroom door before he turned and opened his mouth, then shut it.  He took a moment, thinking over his words properly.  “Hey, this isn’t goin’ to get awkward later, will it?  If you have a matesprit I mean?” Eridan asked, biting the inside of his lip.  
  
 Karkat scoffed and shook his head. “My matesprit will understand, trust me.  Now hurry up or I’ll give you the same punishment I gave to the two that I caught hiding in here earlier.” Eridan scoffed and shut the door as Karkat smiled sweetly.  
  
 He turned to look at the shower and sighed, it looked like heaven even if there was no tub to soak in.  There were three shower heads though, and a sizeable sink and mirror, there was even a razor and a soap bar on the counter.  Not the smartest trolls in the world to leave a razor in a hospital, but it wasn’t like Eridan would do anything stupid with it.  With a sigh, he dropped the towel and snatched up the bar of soap.  
  
 There was work to be done in looking good, and he had been dead long enough that he had been slacking.  
  
 Eridan turned the water on and waited, looking at his bare fingers and frowning.  Now that he had time to take an account of what damage had been done, he noticed how unkempt his claws were and how the swell marks where his rings used to be were gone.  His wrists were boney and thinner, but his arms seemed longer, and while he was waiting for the water he decided he would get a good look at himself in the mirror.  
  
 He walked over, leaning forward since his glasses were in the other room and took inventory of his appearance.  His hair was longer, messier and curly in that way that he absolutely hated, and there were the traces of bags under his eyes.  Not the healthy kind he was used to either, but the bone weary kind.  His horns seemed taller, but not by much, maybe thicker around the base.  There was a slice off the top of his left fin missing, and as he reached up he got a flash of a sword swinging too close to his face as he jumped in front of Feferi.  
  
 Down his neck was a diagonal scar near his Adam’s apple, and as he ran his fingers across that he heard a phantom voice scream his name in anguish.  It sounded like Sollux.  
  
 Eridan shook his head and looked down his chest, just the scars he knew until he got to the largest that curved around his entire body just below his belly.  It was snarled and almost white, sensitive to the touch and screaming a sound of a motor with every inch he touched.  That made him shiver, then he looked down at his legs.  
  
 He’d gotten taller, or maybe that was just an unconscious sensation since he’d been cut in half.  Either way, he was older and he looked it, skin tougher and body trembling as he stood in front of the sink and fluttered his fins at his reflection.  
  
 He may have been handsome, but he could still rock that cute baby face if he needed something.  That would come in handy later on today, if he felt the need to use it.  Not that he thought anyone would fall for it, but who was he to judge.  
  
 With a sigh, Eridan abandoned his reflection and climbed into the shower to scrub the sopor off.  He could ask Karkat for some scissors after he was clean.  His hair was far too long after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up, the chapters before this were edited. Not very well, but edited none the less. If you see anything that needs fixing feel free to point it out to me. Now go forth and enjoy~


	10. Getting used to Silence

 Eridan got out of the shower and stretched, his fingers flexing above his head as he dripped water against the floor.  His gills had sipped at the spray in the shower but they were starting to ache with the need to be submerged, so hopefully he’d be able to fix that later.  Without thinking, he reached out and yanked the towel off the rack and started drying off his body.  The feel of the towel was an odd comfort, for some reason its texture reminding him of a scene where he and Feferi were sitting on the top of a tower drinking tea together.  
  
 He shook his head and moved the towel to his hair, twisting it and tossing it up so it would dry in the folds and avoid his horns.  The clothes on the counter beckoned to him and he shifted through them to find the boxers.  They were something soft and stretchy, and he got a flash of ‘Cotton’ before he shook his head and tugged them on.  The rest of his clothes were easy enough, unfashionable jeans and a plain long sleeve button up shirt.  This one was once again too long for his arms.  
  
 Where were they even getting these things?  
  
 Not that it mattered.  Eridan sighed and walked out of the bathroom, hair still tossed up in the towel twist.  Karkat turned to look at him from the position he’d maintained on the bed and raised his left eyebrow.  He looked like he wanted to question it.  Eridan sighed.  
  
 “Alright, let me have it.  Tell me what you think.” Eridan muttered as he pulled the towel down carefully around his horns and put his glasses on.  Karkat just chuckled.  
  
 “That looked really fucking stupid.” He muttered before looking back to his clipboard. “Right, you’ve got a full day ahead of you, and the first thing is breakfast.” Karkat reached into the air and pulled a round… something out.  He must have gotten an easier to use sylabis. “One apple, right here.  The humans have this saying about apples keeping doctors away.” He tossed the thing to Eridan and he caught it in a fumble and Karkat nervously ranted.  
  
 Eridan examined the fruit and noted that it looked nothing like an apple, but he bit into it anyway.  It wasn’t half bad, but it wasn’t great either.  His attention shifted from the fruit to Karkat as he tapped on the clipboard.  
  
 “You’ve got physical therapy first, then sanctioned therapy after that with your choice of doctors, a break for lunch, underwater therapy with Feferi and one of the other fight fins if they actually show up… uh, dinner I think cause that’s not actually on here but fuck that you’ll be eating, a mandatory break with Nepeta again, and then back to bed after a full body check up done by one Sollux Asshole Captor.” Karkat finished and sighed.  
  
 Eridan raised both his eyebrows and felt his own headache begin to form. “I get the feeling you aren’t going to be there all day?” he asked.  Karkat snorted and stood up, walking right to the door.  
  
 “Why the fuck would I want to be stuck around you all day?” it was entirely playful and made Eridan smile.  Something sweet he honestly hadn’t expected. “Come on, I better get you to Zahhak before he pops a vein is his neck or something.” Karkat shrugged and made his way to the door, then stopped. “How do… how are your legs feeling?” the way he asked it was so clinical.  A need to know but only to fix it, not out of a concern for the wellbeing of the actual person.  
  
 Eridan wanted to roll his oculars until they fell out.  
  
 “Fin, I mean fine.  More than fine actually.  I don’t see why anyone wants me to go to physical therapy to begin with.” Eridan followed after Karkat as he opened the door, taking a large bite of the apple as he did so.  
  
 Karkat simply shrugged in response, tucking the clipboard under his arm. “I think it was all Feferi’s idea, she’s sort of stretching herself thin recently and everyone just wants her to chill the fuck out.  Will she, of fucking course not, but what can you do right?” Karkat chattered on and Eridan listened with a half smile as he ate.  This was nice, weirdly nice.  It felt so familiar.  
  
 They continued down the corridors until they came to a set of double doors with ‘Physical Therapy’ printed in bold white letters above it.  The doors were automatic too, and for some reason it just seemed to scream Equius.  Karkat waved at the door and Eridan walked through, handing over the apple core to a now disgruntled Karkat.  
  
 “That’s fucking nasty.” Karkat muttered at they walked inside and he went right to the trash can.  
  
 The room was awash in gray and blue lighting, the walls an off white color with blue and red mats littering the floor.  Equius was sitting cross legged on one of the blue mats, his hair now done in tight braids around his horns that fell to his shoulders.  His glasses were gone and his eyes were closed, but he still seemed very aware of the room around him.  
  
 Next to him on a red mat was a gray robot that mimicked Equius’ position.  She was slim and had horns that curved back across the top of her head, her hair long and to her elbows.  Each of her tiny hands were placed on her knees, and Eridan squinted at her in confusion.  
  
 Why the fuck was there a robot in a physical therapy room?  
  
“Alright Zahhak,” Karkat said louder than necessary, “start up your timer and take your patient.  I’ve got to get back to the Pupa ward before those monsters learn how to set fire to things or something equally horrifying.” There was a sweet smile on his face that Eridan catalogued for later, but mostly it just struck an odd cord in his chest.  
  
 “No need to shout, Vantas,” Equius said, voice smooth and low, “this is a healing room.  I might not be the kind of doctor who can heal a wriggler’s cries, but I can heal the body.  Your negativity is going to sour the recovery, please refrain.” Eridan tried not to snort.  
  
 “Hippy bullshit this, hippy bullshit that,” Karkat looked over at Eridan and made a flapping motion with his hand, “anyway I’ve really got to go.  Have fun, don’t hurt yourself.” And just like that he turned to leave.  Eridan inhaled and pressed his hands over his gills to keep them from flaring.  This was just what he needed, to be left alone with nowhere to go.  
  
 Equius chose that moment to stand and shake his arms out, then he turned and took two steps toward the robot. “Highblood, good to see you on your feet this fine morrow.” Equius said, neat and elegant as he bent down to fumble with the panel on the back of the robots skull.  
  
 “Uh… good mornin’ to you too?” Eridan shrugged as he watched Equius work, no longer knowing what to do now that Karkat had fled.  His hands started to fidget with the loops on his pants, and his feet began to shift against the hardwood flooring. “So uh… water we doin’?” he ventured to ask.  
  
 Without warning, Equius snapped the back of the robots skull shut and stood up straight.  His face relaxed and he motioned to one of the mats in front of him. “We’ll be stretching your muscles and making sure  no signs of atrophy are present.” He explained. “And while it is obvious you have little to no difficulty walking, I want you to tread carefully none the less.  Treat your body as if it were something new, because essentially it is.” Eridan watched as Equius walked back to the mat and raised both his arms above his head. “Do as I do.”  
  
 With a heavy groan, Eridan walked to a mat and followed orders.  This sucked so many shame globes.  
  
\--  
  
 Eridan had been in this room for an hour and everything on him was so sore he was nearing tears.  He’d been forced to stop and take several breaks when it became apparent that even if he could walk and stand upright, it sure didn’t mean that his legs and arms were working.  Bending was one of the most difficult tasks he’d faced in a long time, and trying to touch his toes had become impossible.  He remembered being able to touch them before waking up in the tube, and being able to sit cross legged without crying out in pain.  All of that had changed though, and Equius was surprisingly sweet about it.  
  
 Not once did he call Eridan weak or force him to move beyond his limits, and while he did stretch a few he always waited Eridan’s pain out.  Equius just seemed so calm to Eridan, and for some reason he went along with every word.  It was like a memory playing out in the now, something from the giant blank in his memory unlocking.  
  
 When they’d finished, Eridan laid flat on the mat and groaned, arm over his eyes as Equius booted up the robot that had been sitting next to him.  Her eyes opened and flashed a white glow, but she said nothing.  She stood when instructed, and Equius pointed toward the door.  
  
 “She’ll take you to your next appointment, are you too sore to walk?” Equius questioned, “I can and will provide you with a wheelchair if you so choose.” Again with the sickly sweet formalities.  Eridan shook his head no and forced himself to his feet.  
  
 “Nah, I’m fine.  You have a good day healin’ people and the like I guess.  I‘m off to follow orders until I can find a way to break ‘em..” Eridan begrudgingly followed after the robot when she beeped at him.  He suddenly longed for Ted and her witty conversation.  
  
 The robot said nothing as she walked him down a hallway, and Eridan tried not to hiss at the burn in his calves.  When he got to the next room the robot left him sitting in a waiting office, and Eridan wondered if he should have followed her out or tried to escape.  Though honestly, why escape when it was obvious that he was being watched?  
  
 All around him the walls were cream colored, and there was a brown carpet that clashed terribly and was coming up in the left bottom corner near a weird door.  With a heavy sigh, Eridan walked to the door and knocked, but no one answered.  He huffed and went to sit on the white bench across the room, and then he waited.  
  
 And waited.  
  
 And waited.  
  
 He waited so long that he fell asleep, head on his shoulder and glasses leaving dents on his cheeks.  
  
 Nepeta woke him up with soft words and softer touches to his cheek.  She had on the sweetest smile and the prettiest sun dress Eridan had ever seen on her. “Sorry about you missing your appointment Erifin, I heard there was an emergency, better luck next time.” Even though she’d been talking, Eridan was still struck dumb by her dress.  
  
 “Wow, never seen you all dolled up,” he commented, but something in his brain clicked.  He _had_ seen her all dolled up, many times in fact, but none of them were when they were alive.  Nepeta’s eyes seemed to sparkle either way as she held out her hand for him to take.  
  
 “Maybe I just like looking purrty.” She said with a smirk.  Eridan copied it and took her hand as he pulled himself up, and when he did there was a heavy wave of something in his head.  
  
 _“How come you never dress up, you only ever wear that coat.”_  
  
 _“I do too dress up, you’re just never around to see it.”_  
  
 _“Now that ain’t fair Nep, you know I would love seaing you all fancy.”_  
  
 _“Did you just pun at me mist-fur?”_  
  
 _“Whale what do you think?”_  
  
 _“Was it on porpoise?”_  
  
 Nepeta let go of Eridan’s hand and he had to bite his lip not to reach out and hug her. “You ready for lunch?” she asked him sweetly, “I brought along some things for us so it’ll be a nice little picnic.  Would you care fur it to be outside?” Eridan felt his chest tighten at the thought of sharing time with Nepeta of all people.  
  
 Before the tube that never would have even crossed his mind.  Now though… now he wanted to do nothing but spend time with her, it was weird in this off pale kind of way.  A past both of them remembered but neither seemed terribly inclined to pursue.  
  
 “I’d love _fur_ it to be outside.” Eridan said, stressing his pun just to hear that delighted laughter he used to be so buried in.  He watched her smile and reach out a hand, and for a split second he saw her blood drip down her fingers.  When he grabbed it and squeezed, she rubbed her thumb against his knuckles and he felt at ease.  
  
 Eridan had no idea if it was her powers or their past moirail _thing_ , but whatever it was he was greatful for it. “You wouldn’t happen to have scissor an some claw clippers in that ol’ basket a goodies, now would you?” he asked her as they began to walk.  
  
 Nepeta just smiled and let him lean against her. “Of course I did.” She informed him. “You act like I don’t know you at all.” Her tease was followed by laughter, and Eridan felt his chest tighten happily.  He was really looking forward to lunch.  
  
 Once outside, Nepeta led Eridan to a picnic table that overlooked the beach and was directly under a tree with purple leaves.  She forced a sandwich into him while she stood directly behind him and cut his hair, and it was oddly soothing.  For some reason his trust of her was never ending, because he even let her trim his claws.  The best part of their tiny little picnic was how they held it in silence.  
  
 That seemed to be something Eridan was getting used to, the silence amongst his friends.  It was either that or terrifying flashbacks to times when they were dead or dying, but he didn’t really care for those.   
  
 His life had turned into before the tube and after the tube, and that was extremely odd to him.  He hoped things would make sense soon, hoped they would clear up and stop causing him such a headache.  
  
 And there was that word again, _hope_.  
  
 Why was that word so important in his mind, why did it keep sticking out?  Eridan tried not to groan as he settled his elbows on the picnic table as Nepeta finished her food.  He _hoped_ there was some way to revive his lusus soon so he could bury his face in Pop’s neck and get some well deserved rest.  
  
 Hoping seemed to be the only thing he could do right now.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have this thing.


	11. Thought Fire

With lunch ended, ( cheese sandwiches and apple juice ) Nepeta stood from their quiet little table and nodded toward the doors that led back inside. “You ready fur your underwater therapy?” she asked as she stood and stretched, her tail flicking back and forth. Eridan pushed himself up and groaned, a fire sparking in his knees before dying out completely to be replaced with a rush of ice. It was very disgusting to say the least, but he took a few steps forward anyway.

“Honestly, no.” He admitted as they began a very slow walk up the hill toward another boardwalk. Nepeta simply inclined her head at him in question and he sighed. “Well think about it, all I’ve been doin’ since I woke up is followin’ every other trolls orders like I don’t have a choice. I’ve been doin’ this an doin’ that without raisin’ a hair of a fight.” He shrugged and stuffed his hands into the pockets of his pants.

“Well, it’s true that you’ve been really tame lately, I wonder why.” She smirked and looked ahead of them.

Eridan looked at her accusingly and fixed his slipping glasses. “What do you mean ‘tame,’ are you accusin’ me a somefin?” he narrowed his eyes at her as she giggled.

“Nothing bad, Ampurra, just noticing. Though, honestly I’m glad you’re calmer.” She put her hands behind her back and crossed her thumbs. “There were timelines where you went insane, others where you never grew up and stayed a spoiled little brat, and then… and then there were the ones where you were wonderfur.” She shook her head and looked toward her feet.

Eridan could see the strings trying to attach themselves from her words to his memories, and they almost hurt. Something quickly cut them up and set a fire between them and his memory though and he winced with the rush of relief, his head spinning almost like whiplash. 

He let out a heavy sigh and dug his now dull claws into his palms. 

Nepeta quietly led him over the bridge and back through the hospital corridors, turning down several halls before they exited another side door. They were right back out into the open again, this time they were walking through what she said was a ‘parking lot.’ They walked across the white lines on the black cement and passed a few street lamps to a circular building painted in blues and golds with a symbol of life on the side door. That made Eridan think of a tan dress he’d seen somewhere once, it was as if a string were being tugged in his head.

“Oh fiddle sticks,” Nepeta snapped the fingers on her free hand as she pulled open the door with her other, “I forgot to grab you a change of clothes. Will you be alright if I run and get them while you’re in the water Mistfur?” She turned and smiled at Eridan, and he felt his chest tighten as a memory echoed in his ears.

_‘You_ do _know it’s okay to admit that you’re lonely sometimes, right?’_

_‘Apparently it ain’t okay cause all ah you seem to get pissed when I do.’_

_‘I don’t, you know I don’t. I worry about you when I’m off fighting. I know you don’t want me to but that’s what meowrails are fur. Afurr Equius I…’_

_‘… what did I do to deserve you? Everythin’ you been through and you still stay by my side.’_

_‘None of that Mistfur, come here and give me a hug.’_

His hand shot out and he braced it against the wall, staring at fingers that weren’t his own. Fingers that were too old and too long, claws freshly trimmed and skin too pale. Nepeta stood between him and the doorway, voice sweet as she reached out and cupped one of his cheeks.

“Another memory resurgence?” She asked. Her hand was so gentle and warm, a kindness from the past that tied in his memory that no fire or tugging could get rid of this time. Eridan closed his eyes, feeling his body tremble as he remembered the feel of Feferi’s hands on him and how they were so similar once upon a time. “Do you want me to…” she didn’t finish as Eridan shook his head no.

“I’m alright.” He whispered. “Just… really wanna get in the water.” Nepeta’s hand pulled away and she pried his other off the wall.

“Alright, come on then, let’s get you in the water.” She tugged very gently, waiting until he opened his eyes and took a step forward. The inside of the building was so dark compared to the sunny day, and he breathed in the smell of salt mist, sand, and foam. Nepeta slowed her walk again as Eridan sniffed at the air, then took a deep lungful and shivered. He stared at the wall only a foot away, it was covered in doors every few feet. “I knew this would be the best part of your day.” She teased, then pushed open another door.

The indoor ‘pool’ encompassed nearly the entire floor, smooth rocks and sand leading into the water where it was churned by what looked like a troll made waterfall. Eridan was kicking off his shoes before Nepeta could even wave at the water. She laughed as he took off at a run and threw his arms out for a perfect dive as he used one of the rocks to jump off the deep end.

Shutting his eyes, Eridan let the water hit him hard, the rush of bubbles and pure essence of ocean rushing passed his ears as his gills burst open and greedily sucked in water. He couldn’t even help the moan as he sunk toward the bottom, unwilling to move in the pool. The sand was so warm as he laid flat, the lights creating beautiful patterns above with the soft waves. Eridan watched them make gentle curves over his fingers as he lay there, relaxing as his gills stretched until they were sore while he pushed the water through his body in a way he hadn’t been able to in… what felt like years.

Above him he could hear the garbbled sound of Nepeta’s laughter even as she called his name. He looked up, seeing her leaning over the edge as the water warped her figure. Pushing off the floor he swam to the surface, pulling himself up by one of the rocks on the edge of the pool. He hissed at how sore he was and Nepeta knelt in front of him with another laugh.

“Well hello to you too,” she said as she rolled her eyes, “I _sea_ you’re fine to swim, I knew you would be. I still need to get you clothes but I don’t know if you’ll be alright alone here with…” She turned toward the doors and frowned. 

Eridan turned to look, but no one was there. “You mean Fef don’t you.” He saw her nod her head yes out of the corner of his oculars. He could lie and say he wasn’t bothered, but this was Nepeta.

She would know.

“I think I’ll be fine Nep, I mean why would I get out ah the ocean when ah just got back in.” He playfully splashed water at her and she squealed, climbing off the rock.

“You purromise to stay here?” she asked when her laughter finally settled. Eridan just smiled and crossed his arms. Of course he would stay in the water, things might be awkward as fuck with Feferi, but they were both grown trolls… apparently. They could be adults about… whatever this was. He sighed and pushed back enough to cross the scar on his belly with one of his fingers.

“May it fall back off should I leave before ya get back.” He swore. Figuring it would have made her laugh, he was a little taken aback by the soft twinge of hurt on her face that she quickly covered up.

“Stay.” She ran for the door, her dress swishing behind her as she went. Eridan smiled and let go of the cliff, letting himself sink back to the bottom of the pool again so he could stare up at the distorted lights. This felt like a memory in freefall, staring up at the moonlight and just waiting for someone, _anyone_ to message him back, waiting for things to go his way. But the world didn’t really work like that anymore, if it ever did.

Lifting his hands to cover the lights above him, Eridan stared at his fingers and lamented the loss of his rings and the oddity it was not to feel their weight on each digit. Sure they were silly, but they were something he enjoyed, just like Feferi and her obnoxious amounts of jewelry. That thought made him chuckle, all of Feferi’s oddities aside, at least the troll had sensible taste.

While he lay there staring at his fingers, he could hear the door click open above him. He paid it no mind, too busy examining the strange cuts and nicks on his fingers that he didn‘t remember getting, a few he did.

Something hit the surface of the water and he rolled over, snarling as he drew his hand toward his chest as he readied to strike.

From the bubbles he could see a troll, though he only vaguely recognized her. Her horns, while longer and deeper orange in color, we identical to Feferi’s, and her hair…

Well, not everyone had good taste in hairstyles. How she found the energy to braid something that long he would never know.

“Sup.” Her voice was harsh and to the point, striking something in the back of his mind, “Eridan right, look I don’t reelly care.” She said, swimming just out of striking distance. “Mock two can’t make it just yet, so she sent me in her place. I take it you got no idea who the feck I am?”

Eridan just shrugged, not relaxing his stance.

“Ah carp not, I only led you idiot dead mob lot into battle. Which, I might remind you, none a you have tanked me for.” She crossed her arms as her feet touched the sand. “Then again, you can’t remember shell for shit, so I can’t blame you for not basking in my glory.” Eridan just blinked at her before relaxing.

“You done yet?” He asked as he let his own feet touch down. He was taller than her and it felt… odd. He didn’t remember being taller than her. At least… not the extremely foggy displaced memory of her.

“Yeah, you know sometimes you just gotta get it out of your system?” With a shrug she looked around the pool. “Right, I’m Meenah, this is the pool. Any questions?” She asked with half a shrug.

Eridan sighed, rubbing at his temples. “What exactly is ‘underwater therapy’ meant to be? Or whatever it is I’m doin’ here?” He asked, leaning back so he could lay in the sand again.

“Halibut if I know. It was Mock Two’s idea, said you might have forgotten how to swim or some shit.” She flapped her hand and her t-shirt bubbled out before flopping back down. Who wore tattered t-shirts and baggy pants to go swimming?

Then again, who was he to judge her wardrobe right now.

“I’m a sea dweller.” He said, deadpan. “If I forgot to swim I’d forget to breath, I was born for this water.” He waved around him.

“Ah know right? That’s what I said!” Meenah plopped down on her butt in the sand. “For eel, she’s oh so worried aboat you but is she here on time? Shell no, and no offense to you, cause from what I get you’re pretty swell, but she’s got like… a clam bake of fishues with you or something? I dunno bub, bouy if you ask me, troll-child is weird.”

And didn’t that hoofbeast shit just hit the oxygen slicing device.

“Sure would be nice if I could figure out _why_ Fef’s got all these ‘fishues’ with me.” Eridan let his fingers quote around the word and then huffed. Bubbles rose to the surface and popped along the way. “Ya think ya might be willin’ to clue me in as to when ah met you?” He asked after a pause.

“Whale like I said, you were in a huge mob of dead minnows on the hunt to kill Lord Stick-Up-His-Chute English.” Meenah shrugged and rolled her wrist, her bracelet flopping down her arm. “Like… we all went at him full forks you know? Then Vriska opened her weird juju box and this giant thing pops out and we woke up here.” She opened her eyes and looked down at her feet, toes wiggling into the sand. “Sounds lamer than it actually was, but it totally wasn’t lame. It was awesome.” There was a soft, almost sad smile on her face as she buried her fingers in the sand right after.

Eridan didn’t want to read too much into that, this wasn’t his business. 

He got no kind of memory from the things she was saying, not even those strange string pulls or thought fires. Everything she said just sounded so… nonsensical.

He missed his lusus even more now.

“Anywhale,” Meenah pushed up and started swimming toward the surface, “think you’re up for a race you little grub?” She teased. “Bet I can wipe the floor with you, one hand tied behind my back.” Eridan smirked at the challenge, and that brought a tug to the forefront of his mind.

_Meenah was standing on the edge of the boat railing in a very pretty pants suit, brushing off her shoulders as she stared at the ocean before them. Eridan and Feferi stood beside her to her right in their pajamas, along with another sea dweller to her left. Other than the fact that his horns looked eerily close to his own, Eridan couldn’t bring him up in his mind._

_‘Alright ya grubs! First one to the rock wins!’ Meenah shouted._

_‘Meenow, how can we swim to the rock if we don’t know where it glubbing is!’ Feferi said, full of laughter as she grabbed the ropes beside her._

_‘It’s a straight shot that a way!’ Meenah said as she pointed. ‘Ready set go!’ She dove off the railing and Feferi was after her in a split second. Eridan dove in after her and rolled his eyes. Those two were so competitive._

“Hey! You wanna go or not?” Meenah shouted, about to breach the surface of the pool. Smirking, Eridan pushed off the bottom of the pool and darted toward her, breaching the surface and shaking his hair out. “That’a troll!” Meenah laughed as she swam toward the edge of the pool, Eridan a few feet back.

The side door opened again and in walked Nepeta, a white plastic bag dangling from her wrist. She held the door open and waved inside, ushering in about seven violet blooded wrigglers and a very cheerful looking Feferi.

“Guppy!” Feferi’s voice was bright and delighted as she looked up, letting go of a small trolls hand as they screamed happily and ran toward the pool.

“Ey! It’s my crew of miscreants!” Meenah said with a delighted laugh, her arms out for the wrigglers as they swam to her. “Ugh, you’re getting heavier Nahlla.”

“Am not.” One of them said as they hugged Meenah around the neck.

Eridan shook his head and looked back at Feferi, seeing the empress in her he’d always imagined. She was wearing a wetsuit striped with lime and cyan at her hips, her symbol planted firmly across her chest and half hidden beneath the massive braid that had unruly curls spiraling out in wefts from either side. Her goggles were pushed up into her hairline and she had a sparkle in her eyes that was sharp.

“Hey guppy, sorry I’m so late, apparently something happened in emergency and Jane was out.” She walked toward the edge of the pool, toeing off her shoes as she got closer. “You ready to stretch those muscles everybody?”

That sounded horrible, so Eridan made a face to tell her just how much of a bad idea he thought that was. She laughed and turned to Nepeta, a sweet smirk on her face before she kissed her cheek gently and then stepped into the shallow end of the pool.

“Alright class, line up, Nahlla get off of Meenah you know betta.” Feferi clapped her hands twice and swam towards the middle of the pool. The wrigglers reluctantly swam over, forming an uneven line up. “Erifin, you can float by Tribly.” One of the violet blooded wrigglers waved meekly at him as he groaned and approached the line. “Okay, everyone this is Eridan, he’s new to our class, what do we say to new people?”

“Get stuffed new kid!” Meenah shouted from the other end of the pool. Feferi just glared at her before looking back at the wrigglers expectantly.

There was a chorus of _‘Hi Eridan_ from the children, and he rolled his oculars.

“Alright, since Eridan is new you’re all going to have to help him learn the moves we’ve been practicing, he’s been out of the water for a whale.” Feferi smiled and then raised both of her arms over her head. “Do as I do, Feferi says… touch the sky.”

The wrigglers all raised their arms up in mimic of her. Beside Eridan, the lumpy wriggler named Tribly elbowed him and stage whispered “Hey, Feferi says, you gotta play the game, it helps.”

“Helps how?” He muttered under his breath before reluctantly raising both his arms. This was chalking up to being an awful day.

\--

Saying he hurt all over didn’t even begin to cover it, the pool had been a terrible amount of exercise, but it stretched things that sessions with Equius would never be able to stretch. His gills for one thing, certain movements he could only accomplish in water rather than on land. Nepeta met him after he’d climbed out of the pool, letting him rinse off under one of the showers in the building before she gave him his clothes to change into.

It might have just been pinstripe slacks and a long sleeve, but it was a long sleeve with his symbol on it. They weren’t his normal preferred strip for slacks either, but the thin black lines over grey still made him happy. They also made him look impossibly taller, which was right back into odd territory, but he ignored it in favor of the smile Nepeta had on when he walked toward her, hair still dripping.

“What?” He asked, eyeing how she still had both her hands behind her back. She giggled and shrugged before holding out the scarf she’d been hiding.

“It might be too hot for this right now, but you look so sad without it. So I knit you a new one. Been working on it since I found out you’d be waking up.” She shrugged as Eridan took it rubbed his fingers over each line. This was another string, a yank more accurately. He gasped and dropped the scarf, grabbing both sides of his head as the world around him went dark.

_‘I just… I don’t understand it. He keeps treating me like I’m stupid, he can’t be my Equius, my Equius would… he would never…’_

_‘Easy, oh easy Nep. You don’t have to cry… I’m… I’m here?’_

_‘… yeah… thank you Eridan, thank you for that. I didn’t know what to do after we broke up and… who knew you weren’t such a huge creep.’_

_‘Oi! I’m trying to comfort you here.’_

_\--_

_‘Are you serious?’_

_‘Deadly, you deserve that much ouuta me.’_

_‘You’re asking me out?’_

_‘No, I’m asking you to be my morayeel.’_

_‘Same thing.’_

_‘Is definitely not.’_

_‘Is deFINitely too!’_

_‘Oh… oh you are devious.’_

_‘Yes.’_

_‘So, do you accept my offer?’_

_‘I just said yes.’_

_‘Reelly?’_

_‘Really really.’_

_\--_

_‘This is nice.’_

_‘You mean the shiner Equ gave me or the pile?’_

_‘The pile, Equius was being rude and you didn’t deserve that, you were just sticking up fur me.’_

_‘Well that’s what I’m here FUR.’_

_‘We need to work on your catfish puns.’_

_‘I think I’m pretty good at it.’_

_\--_

_‘I made you this, I know your other one is covered in blood and I just… thought you might like it.’_

_‘Nep…’_

_‘I know it’s really sloppy and weird, but I’m still learning so when I make you another one it-’_

_‘I love it. It’s perfect just the way it is.’_

_‘Awww shucks.’_

_\--_

_‘You need to get out a here Nep, that door won’t last forever.’_

_‘I’m not leaving you!’_

_‘Nepeta! Not the time, I can hold my own while you go get help!’_

_‘No! Please we can both fit-’_

_‘Nep, I’m beggin’ you, if I have to watch you get hurt I’ll…’_

_‘Eridan…’_

_‘… get in the vents, go get help, stay alive. I’ll find you.’_

_‘You have to swear that!’_

_‘Nepeta, I have enough hope in me that I know I’ll_ always _find you… hey, don’t cry.’_

_‘P-Pale fur you, Eridan.’_

_‘My diamond, my forever, now get your silly tail into that vent.’_

_\--_

_Blood was bubbling up from his throat and the lights were going out, the scarf, his most favorite possession in the world, was choking him to death. Well, no, Jack was choking him to death with the scarf, but Nepeta was safe, she’d get help, she’d be okay. He might have fucked everything else up, but she was alive. His moirail was alive. All he had to do was hope._

\--

Gasping for air, Eridan came back to himself to find Nepeta holding him up and leaning him against a wall. The pool room had been emptied save for himself, Nepeta, and Meenah, who stood off to the side with a towel.

“Here, you’re bleeding.” Meenah held out the towel and tapped her own nose, and Eridan quickly mopped up any blood he could.

“Are you okay?” Nepeta asked, “I called one of the doctors and they said to get you back to your room, you were just gasping and shaking, and then your nose started bleeding.” Her voice was full of worry, the scarf she’d handed him earlier still abandoned where he’d dropped it. He turned when she put both her hands on his cheeks, and he cupped his hands around her own. She was so grown up, he’d missed her grow up like this, how could he have.

His moirail… no, his past moirail. She was with her proper Equius, his time with her was important but this was now and that was then. They weren’t a thing, but they were still special to one another, he had to keep that in his mind because she didn’t deserve anything less. They had to be separate. 

His throat felt like it was on fire. He cleared it and then leaned toward, bumping his nose with hers.

“Told you I’d always find you.” He whispered, hoping Nepeta wouldn’t hate him for it. He hadn’t been able to find her after that, he’d died on the floor and he remembered that. A huge chunk of strings with Nepeta’s memories were winding together in his mind, pulling thousands of deaths and dream bubbles and all that nonsense together. The good and the bad. He could still feel a huge gap up there for everything else, but Nepeta…

He’d hoped he’d find her again and that she’d be alive, and he’d found her.

“Oh… Oh Eridan, you remembered.” Her voice was soft as she closed her eyes, those emeralds hidden behind her lids as tears welled up on her lashes. “I was so scared you’d never remember but-”

“It’s not everything, it’s just… it’s you.” Eridan slowly pulled her hands away and twined their fingers together. “I made you a promise, one a very much kept might I add.” He chuckled, watching her face light up with delight.

“Eww.” Meenah cut in. “Like, no offense, but offense. You’re both being gross. And you, you’re in a relationship with Sir Sweats-A-Lot ain’t you? You think he’ll be okay with this kind of pale-infidelity?” She shrugged and then crossed her arms. “Cause I sure wouldn’t.”

Nepeta waved a hand at Meenah, looking back to Eridan. “Equius would understand. He knows we’ve got a history.” She smiled and used the edge of Eridan’s towel to dry her face. “Okay, okay enough of that. This is a huge deal, I mean huge! We need to get you back to your room.” Nepeta took a step back and straightened her dress. “Are you okay to walk?” She asked. “I can carry you if not.”

Meenah scoffed. “For ell? I doubt that, I mean he may be skinny but he’s so tall.” Meenah muttered as she sized up Eridan.

“She could carry me and you thank you very much.” Eridan snapped. “I should be fine.” He turned back to Nepeta and pushed off the wall. “Though uh… I think I’m getting a little hungry.” He admitted. Nepeta smiled and tucked herself under one of his arms as she turned them toward the door. Meenah sighed and pushed it open.

“I’ll get you something to eat, Meenah, would you stay with him in his room until one of the doctors gets there? I need to go tell Fefurry he remembered me.”

Meenah just shrugged.

“Yeah, sure, whatever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Throwing this at you all because I'm horrible. A look into Eridan's past with Nepeta. Now he just needs everyone else's memories to click into place.
> 
> P.S. It's been forever and a half so if I've forgotten how to write Homestuck, be not surprised.


	12. The Challenge - Fin

Walking back to his ‘temporary holding cell’ with Meenah trailing behind him, Eridan felt a little lighter. Maybe it was silly, but that chunk of his memory that had come flooding back had seemed to ground him instead of leaving him floating. When Eridan looked back, he watched Meenah have a quiet conversation on what look like a seashell on her wrist. Every sentence was full of terrible puns and rude humor, and he couldn't help but smile.

Outside of his hospital room he could see the scuff marks around the door hinges where it had been replaced. Something about that made him smile. 

The hallway wasn’t as eerily empty as he'd grown used to. Instead there were Carapacian’s walking around with clipboards, or trolls he didn’t recognize tugging on sleeves of anyone who passed them. Meenah stepped ahead of him and opened his door, one hand waving inside. He helped himself into a chair that he didn’t really remember, but gladly accepted.

“I whale not repeat myshellf.” Meenah cut off whoever was on the shellphone and waved toward the door. “I got the bouy, now shoo.” She walked over to the wall and happily slumped against it. Eridan let out a small sigh as he rubbed the back of his neck. They sat in silence for a while until Meenah huffed and kicked her feet against the back of the wall.

“It’s weird.” She said, arms crossed and eyes glued to the floor. “I know what you’re feeling, and it’s weird.” Eridan tilted his head as he watched her roll her shoulders and flick her thumbnails against her t-shirt.

“I… don’t know where you’re goin’ with this?” He admitted, finally getting her to look up. Light fogged her glasses for a brief second, her eyes paling to a pure nothingness of white, but then she blinked and everything was normal.

“You an her, you were a _thing_ in the bubbles. Now it’s all reel and you ain’t no more, and it’s… it’s _weird_. You’ll see her in the hallways bein’ all happy and smilin’ and you’ll wanna go up to her and,” Meenah looked away, her eyes glazing over as she continued, “you’ll wanna reach out and hold her hand, wanna go back to the way things were even though that ain’t the way things _is_.” There were small trembles to her fins as she finished. “Like I said, it’s weird.”

Eridan had no idea what she was on about, but he nodded because it felt right. He understood that things with Nepeta wouldn’t be how they _used_ to be, and he understood that the only reason they _had_ in the first place had been because Equius had been dead or possessed. Those worst case scenarios gave him a glimpse of what might have been, not what _was_. Nepeta was his friend, one of his only ones at this point, but he knew where he stood with her.

Narrowing his eyes, he leaned forward and dropped his elbows to his knees. The thump went right up his spine in a slow tingle.

“We... still talkin’ about me and Nep here, or...?” Eridan watched as Meenah tensed up and curled her lip in a warning hiss. 

Touchy subject, be afraid and avoid at all cost, he could do that.

Eridan waited until Meenah turned her head again, waited until she relaxed, then he slumped into the back of his chair and closed his eyes. Why was Meenah even _here_ , it wasn’t like Eridan was going to get up and wander off again…

Unless that _was_ why she’d agreed to stay, _because_ he’d wandered off the first time. And if that was the case, how fucking rude do you have to be to think that just because he got stir crazy _once_ meant he’d get stir crazy any time he was left alone. 

With another heavy sigh, Eridan reached up to rub at his temples, glasses pulled off and resting on his knee.

Time passed eerily after that, as if it were speeding up and slowing down around them without any real indication other than Eridan’s intuition.

“Knock knock.” The tapping at the door was accompanied by a voice that was flat, yet strangely full of life.

“Yeah. It’s open.” Meenah called as she pushed herself upright. Eridan looked up, tucking his glasses back on as the door opened and… Aradia of all trolls peered inside. She looked tired, her shirt and skirt combo covered in wrinkles.

“Hey, I was on my way out when I ran into _you know who_ parked out front. I can’t find Terezi or I’d have asked her, but I know you can distract her long enough for me to leave without any confrontation. You think you’re up for that?” Aradia’s attention was focused on Meenah. “I mean, if you don’t want to I understand, I can find somebody else, but…” She made a wave in the air with her hand and shrugged.

Her eyes were so alive, her expressions so varied and glowing on her face. And her hair… yeah, wow, she needed a haircut or a gardener, that mess was everywhere.

“I was sorta kinda holdin’ down the fort with-” Meenah was cut off as Aradia quickly stepped inside.

“Oh right, hey Eridan! How're you feeling, everything working properly?” She smiled, and it looked… strange. Like something was off about her show of happiness, but at the same time something deep inside of him knew it was genuine. When he didn’t respond right away, Aradia seemed to relax her posture. “Hey… you don’t look very alive right now.”

The echo of himself saying those words was like a whisper in his ear, but he couldn’t place the memory. Not surprising.

“Just a little dazed, I think.” He admitted, watching as Aradia nodded and turned back to Meenah. She moved about as if Eridan was an afterthought. The swish of her skirts reminded him of a red dress, of deep ruby wings and the sounds of a million clocks ticking in and out of sync.

“Look Meenah, he can take care of himself, I just need you to-” Aradia was cut off by Meenah’s snort.

“Why is it you can save the galaxy but you can’t fucking walk by _one_ cod damned troll without acting like a wriggler?” And like that she was slamming out of the door, cursing under her breath. Aradia flinched in her wake, peering after her and biting her lip.

“… real couth.” Eridan muttered as he ran his fingers through his hair. Aradia glanced back at him once before hurrying after Meenah, a small look of guilt etched into the hunch of her shoulders.

After she left, Eridan sighed and leaned back into his chair to stare at the ceiling. After a while he got bored of connecting the dots in the tile and closed his eyes, letting the silence wrap around him before he dozed off.

Before he knew it, someone had opened the door and shut it behind them rather quickly.

Eridan looked up in time to see Sollux leaning against the inside of the door and scrubbing his cheeks. He waited until Sollux noticed him, then waved a few of his fingers.

“Hello to you too.” Sollux grumbled and stalked over to the bed. He hesitated, then pulled up a chair and turned it so he could sit backwards on it. “I heard you had a nosebleed?” Eridan just nodded. “Tilt your head toward the ceiling.”

He watched as Sollux pulled out a pen light and decided to do as he was told. The light burned when it flashed over his eyes, but the pain was only momentary before Sollux clicked the pen off and sighed.

“What's the damage?” Eridan asked as he slowly lowered his face.

“Small vein rupture, already clotted over from the looks of it. Too much pressure on the brain or eyes is my opinion, but I'm not your doctor.” Sollux shrugged and leaned on the back of the chair in a slump. He looked like he'd eaten something sour with the way he was scowling. Eridan was almost too nervous to ask.

“Alright, what's eatin' at you?” He finally asked as the silence stretched for a full five minutes. Sollux just glared at him before looking away. 

The hesitation was noticed. “I don't... remember you.” Sollux muttered. Eridan waited and let one of his eyebrows raise. There was that glare again. Scoffing, Sollux waved his hand. “No, not like that. I remember you good and fine, what I don't remember is... anything passed the meteor? Except that's not true, I remember certain timelines of you, but not all of them. Every time I know you should be in a memory, all I see is this... this static blur _shaped_ like you.” Scratching his head, Sollux leaned back and stared at the ceiling. “Before you woke up, this wasn't a problem. I know I had those memories, and that's what's really bugging me I think?”

Eridan shrugged. “If it helps, I think I-”

The door flung itself open.

“Eridan.” Gamzee stood in the doorway, paler than normal and fists shaking. “Good.” He ignored Sollux entirely and ran into the room, hand grabbing at Eridan's. “Beach, _now._ ”

“Excuse you!” Sollux stood up ready to protest, but Gamzee had already dragged Eridan to his feet and started running. “Hey! Get back here! Security!”

Eridan couldn't keep his laughter in as he waved at Sollux from the doorway. “Guess I'll be at the beach?” He shouted as he turned and jogged to keep up with Gamzee's ridiculous strides.

Common sense told him to yank his fist out of Gamzee's hand and turn back around.

Something stronger told him to follow, and do it _fast_. Eridan didn't remember the entire run, but he remembered laughing alongside Gamzee as they burst through the back entrance and jogged down the boardwalk. He remembered the sand slowing them the way only a beach could. When they finally got to the waters edge, Gamzee sucked in a great lungful of air and bellowed out into the distance.

And then he grinned.

“You trust me, right mother fucker? Don't let 'em take you back inside just yet, I fucking know they'll try, I _know_ they gon' yell at me all tits ways to the moon and back, and tell me I got fuckin' delusions, but just... please?” Eridan looked back at the door to the hospital, then over to the pleading look in Gamzee's eyes. Something warm and tight thrummed in his chest, like an echo of a heartbeat.

“I'll wait with you.” He reached out and took Gamzee's hand again, squeezing tight until his knuckles turned white. 

So they waited, standing with their shoes soaked by the water and listening to the surf crash over them. Eridan heard the distant shouts of people gathering outside on the boardwalk, but he didn't dare budge. He had no idea why he was out here, but he wasn't going to move.

Maybe that was just another sign of what was wrong with him?

“Gamzee Makara I am going to _skin you alive!_ ” Karkat's voice boomed across the boardwalk, but Eridan just squeezed his hand tighter.

“I'm still with you.” He whispered. Gamzee turned to him and nodded.

“I'm not crazy.” The way he said it made Eridan's chest hurt. There were tears in there, tucked close to his chest. “You're the only one who believed me, so I needed to show you. I'm _not_ crazy.” He looked back out at the water, ignoring Karkat as he got closer and closer. Eridan could hear Sollux and Nepeta behind him, both shouting.

And that was when Eridan _saw_ it. Or, in this case, _him._

“Holy fuck.” Eridan watched as a white mass arose in the distance. Slowly, a low bellow rang in his ears. “That's...”

Gamzee jumped and threw his fist in the air, screaming in delight. “I told you!” That he directed back at Karkat's frozen form. Eridan watched as the lusus swam closer, taking his precious time before bellowing again. He watched as the creature gracefully ducked its head below the water, then rose again, only this time accompanied by a second figure.

Eridan let go of Gamzee's hand and bolted into the water.

His lusus swam up to meet him before the waves even reached his hips.

–

The next few days were spent in a disastrous blur, but Eridan didn't care. One by one, the lusii of his friends began showing up to the hospital, be it by the ocean or the front door. Accompanying them were lusii for any and all the assortment of trolls, each with a request to step in as a parent or work at the hospital in the Pupa Wing. 

A building was built off the shore of the beach, and Eridan found himself spending more time there than he did anywhere that wasn't physical therapy. Nepeta had caught him asleep in the building more than once in fact. Tonight was no exception, and she brought a large quilt with her as she stepped onto the shallow steps of the pool.

Pop was resting against the steps, the end of his tail curled around Eridan's legs and his snout atop his head. When Nepeta walked in, he crooned at her and shifted to make room. Eridan was surprised when she excepted the offer and toed off her shoes, then sat in the water and wrapped both herself and Eridan in the quilt.

“Don't you have a matesprit to be lookin' after?” Eridan muttered sleepily.

“She's working late shift.” Nepeta tucked them both in and yawned as she leaned against Eridan's side. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder without a second thought.

“What about your meowrail?” He listened to Nepeta's little hum.

“We talked about it.” She yawned again and closed her eyes. “He said he'd be fine with it if I wanted to be your meowrail too, but only on the condition that he got to share you.”

Eridan couldn't help but laugh. “What? You want me to be your meowrail with conditions?”

“You heard me.” There was a great kind of humor in her voice. “You two were close once, not really pink though. You were... something. You were something to a lot of people, in a lot of different times.” Nepeta shrugged and reached up to squeeze Eridan's fingers. “Sing me to sleep?”

“I can't sing.” Eridan smiled as he said it, listening to Nepeta hum at him. “I mean I can try-”

“Then try.” He sighed after she said it and began fumbling his way through a sea shanty.

–

“Eridan.” Sollux caught him with a beach towel in hand, ready to head down to the shore. “We need to talk.”

It had been three days since the last lusus, a miniature version of Feferi's Gl'bgolyb, had shown up, and Eridan felt more at peace than he had in a long time. He'd settled into his physical therapy routine and his quiet moments stolen with Nepeta, and now he was getting 'A day off,' by demand of Equius. Who was standing just outside his door with his arms crossed and a towel of his own draped across his neck.

“I... sort a have other plans?” Eridan pointed at Equius, who shrugged.

“I do not mind waiting a few moments, we will get to the beach one way or the other.” Equius turned and planted himself against the wall. “I will wait right here, within earshot.” With a sigh, Eridan waved Sollux further in and sat on the bed.

Sollux hesitated and glanced repeatedly at the doorway before he walked over to the bed and stood in front of it. Eridan waited, but Sollux said nothing.

“Do I need to offer you the bed and climb into my coon or somethin'?” Eridan asked, amused.

“What? No. Look, they're going to discharge you out of the hospital soon.” Sollux reached a hand up and began scratching at his scalp, a movement that Eridan was starting to recognize as a nervous tick.

“Alright, so _why_ are you freakin' out?”

“What?! E.D. Do you have any idea how serious this is? You'll be homeless!” Eridan just blinked and let that sink in, then shrugged.

“Sol, I don't know if you guessed this or not, but I already... _am_ homeless?” He waved a hand at the room around him. “This, it's not my home. I don't live here, I'm recoverin' here.” Eridan pushed himself to his feet. “An when did you start carin' about-”

“I'm remembering you.” Sollux looked away, his gaze distant. “I...” He shook his head. “If you need somewhere, I've got a guest room.” He turned heel and nearly ran out of the room.

Eridan watched him go, even followed him out the door and watched as Sollux stumbled down the hall. When he turned to look at Equius, his friend shrugged.

“Weirdo.” Eridan sighed and closed the door behind him. “Right, we were headed to the beach? I was goin' to teach you how to free dive?” Equius nodded and began walking, and Eridan took a slow stride next to him.

The two of them enjoyed each others silence often, and now was no exception. Eridan seemed to have lapsed into silence better than he ever had his nervous ramblings, but maybe that was a part of growing up. 

Once they finally reached the beach, Equius turned and nodded toward the hospital doors.

“I overheard what Captor said.” He was quiet for a moment, but Eridan let him think over his words as he laid out one of his towels on the sand. “If accommodations with him seem distasteful, and if you are unable to find some of your own, you are free to stay with myself or Nepeta until you are _on your feet._ ” Eridan snorted. “Yes, I know, that is a terrible expression given your circumstances.”

“It's not that bad.” Eridan admitted. “But as much as I love Nep, I couldn't live with her.” There was a cold pause between the two and Eridan looked up to see Equius glaring down at him. “No, oh my cod, Equ please! Nothing against Nep, ever, love her, but... Fef lives with her.” Equius flinched.

“Ah, yes I can... yes. Completely understandable.” Equius swallowed audibly before he planted his ass in the sand. Eridan rolled his eyes as he laid back on his towel and dropped his glasses down to the bridge of his nose. They tinted in the sunlight perfectly. “I can see how that would become unpleasant rather quickly. And quite awkward, and-”

“Equ.” Eridan cut him off easily. “What robotics project are you working on right now?” And just like that, Equius was enthralled in a different conversation entirely. Eridan smiled and let his friend ramble as he soaked up the sun.

–

“They kickin' you out or somethin' my fine gilled fucker?” Gamzee stood in the doorway the next day with an aloof smirk on his face. Two wigglers were running in and out of the space between his legs.

“Hmm? Oh, hello Gam. Yeah they're 'kickin' me out,' can't really keep me here if I'm healthy now, can they?” He smiled as he folded another one of the shirts Nepeta had given him into one of the cardboard boxes that contained all of his belongings.

Gamzee just nodded. “You need somewhere close to the water? For you an Pops I mean?” Eridan turned, a confused smile on his face.

“I'm going to say yes.” He watched the way Gamzee chewed on his thumbnail, then patted a wigglers head with his unoccupied hand. “I know that face Gam, what are you plottin'?” There was an odd pause before Gamzee extended his hand.

“Come on up to my place for the night? I got stuff I wanna up and show you anyway.” Gamzee's smile was oddly infectious. It was Eridan's turn to hesitate, but that same pull he felt whenever he was around Gamzee nudged him forward and he took his hand. 

Why not?

–

Eridan carried a lone box down the boardwalk with Gamzee and over several dune paths. They made their way onto another board walk after a while, and Eridan memorized the path in the silence. Despite the sun not having set, the stars had come out, each twinkling and basking the night in a warm kind of comfort. There were faerie lights wrapped around the handrails of this walk, and Eridan felt relaxed surrounded by the multicolored disaster that shown across the wooden planks.

Eventually the walk ended and a stone path led down to a house resting on stilts over the ocean. There was a wrap around porch and two stair cases. One led to a dock over the water with a boat tied to the main post, the other to the front door. Tall glass windows lined one wall, the roof slanting out toward the sea so all drainage would fall right back into the water.

The house was bigger than Eridan had expected. He'd always assumed Gamzee for the solitary type after all. 

This place though, it could have easily housed three or four trolls with ease.

“Me casa!” Gamzee threw his hands out to indicate the building. “Means my house, the blue dude taught me that.” He shrugged and shoved his index fingers into his belt loops.

“You live here all by yourself?” Eridan paused on the stone path, admiring the thought of a view of the sunset from that window as it curved over the water.

“Used to, now it's me and the dear old. He stays under the place mostly, but he comes out when I call, goes on boat trips with me.” Gamzee shrugged again and made his way toward the steps leading up to the porch. “Had to beg Tavbro to help me design it, I think he had to bribe Equius to build it too.”

Eridan frowned as he watched Gamzee fumble for his keys. “People really don't like you, do they?” He started up the steps and tried not to wince as his muscles protested.

“Nope.” Gamzee pushed the door open. “S'why I live way out here all by myself. Most of them other fucks livin' with other people, doublin' up and stickin' close. Stayin' with their friends, you know? And I ain't got no friends, so I'm out here by myself.”

“Oi, I'm your friend.” Eridan countered him with an easy smile as he walked into the house after Gamzee. The space was near bare, the kitchen block a disaster. “When was the last time you cleaned up around here?” He set his box on the floor and stared at the empty bottles and paper wrappers lining the counter.

Gamzee looked out the window guiltily. “Last time Karkat came over to yell some sense back into me.” He shrugged and pointed at the door to the left of the kitchen block facing the beach. “That one is mine.” Then he pointed at the door to the right of the block. “You can use that one, has the spare coon already hooked in, and its own wash rack.” Gamzee walked over to the lone couch and slumped on the cushions, back to gazing out of the window.

“Do you have a laundry?” Eridan asked, already heading toward the kitchen block with itchy fingers.

Gamzee blinked in surprise. “Uhh... yeah, yeah it's up the steps, in the attic. I gotta duck when I get up there, horns grew too fucking fast for me, so I normally just take my shit to the hospital to wash it.” He pointed at the spiral staircase that stood nearly hidden behind an empty bookcase. Eridan nodded, then looked back at Gamzee and sighed.

“Do you care if I clean up?” He waved at the mess on the kitchen counter and Gamzee shrugged with a smile.

“Didn't know you was the domestic type.” He teased, a real enjoyment blooming as the idea of honest company dawned on him.

“I'm one big surprise.” With a chuckle, Eridan looked around and found an empty shopping bag and began loading it full of trash. “How are you on food, how do you even get food? I'm realizin' there's a lot I don't know about the world outside a that hospital.”

A honking laugh met him in response and Eridan got a short flash of a shorter, bloodier Gamzee standing at his side with half his face cut to ribbons. They looked at one another, hands outstretched before Gamzee nodded at the battlefield before them.

_'Want me to toss you at em?'_

_'Like you wouldn't believe. Fast as you can.'_

Eridan blinked out of his memory and let his hand hover over an empty soda bottle. He let it be and rubbed at his temples, then wiped the back of his nose with his sleeve. No blood, a good sign.

“Got a food synthesizer, but sometimes it just don't taste right, you know? So I go on into town and trade for it, do some heavy liftin' here and there. Sometimes just seein' me gets me stuff, but I don't like all the 'God' this and 'God' that shit, them other fuckers can pull that off but I ain't the type, you know? I didn't earn that shit all proper, I just goofed off.” Gamzee rubbed his hands over his knees sheepishly and Eridan began picking up trash again.

“You're talkin' about the God tier thing, right? People keep dancin' around that with me, I never get any straight answers.” He shook the bag he was holding so more trash would fall to the bottom.

Gamzee shrugged. “You an me both. Most I know is that they supposedly give you all kinds of dumb powers or some shit, I don't really get it. Most fuckers just pretended I didn't exist in any of them time lines, so they never really explained it to me proper.”

Pausing, Eridan set the bag down. “Well, good thing you've got me here to remind you, isn't it? Your kitchen is vile.” Gamzee laughed, low and belly full. His smile was genuine, but sad, and Eridan walked around the counter and over to the couch. He sat next to Gamzee and held out his hand, palm up.

For a moment, Gamzee just stared at the offered fingers, then gave Eridan his hand. They sat in silence for a while, and eventually Gamzee trembled and leaned into Eridan's side.

“Why don't nobody give me a chance? Why everybody gotta make it fake?” There was a soft tremble in Gamzee's whisper, a defensive sort of confusion. He thought of Nepeta's conversation with Feferi, how she hated Gamzee but was _trying_.

“I wish I knew the answer to that.” Eridan admitted as he squeezed Gamzee's hand. “But... maybe we should just focus on _us_ right now? We deserve that. Let them all get caught up in their own problems, we got enough to worry about. You with your... what, chuckle voodoo recovery?” Gamzee snorted. “And me with my big gapin' memory. Let's focus on that first, then we can worry about if people like us or not, yeah?”

A few moments of silence went by before Gamzee hummed and gave a very slow nod. “Yeah.” He relaxed against Eridan's side. “Thank you.”

“Oh _please_ , it's nothing.” Eridan waved one of his hands in the air and reached up to pet Gamzee between his horns. “Least I could do for letting me stay the night.”

“Fucker you could stay here forever if you really wanted to, shit gets wicked lonely all by my ones. I know I got my dear old now but there's only so much you can do havin' them one sided conversations where the other party can't reply, you know?” Gamzee let out a deep sigh. “Used to be a mother fuck could just down some fuckin' sopor and drown that empty feelin' out, but Karkat had them replace all that shit with the synthetic medical _crap_.” He let out a huff that vibrated through his shoulders. Eridan had to shift on the couch.

“Yeah, I mean it's-wait! You used to eat the sopor?” Eridan removed his hands from Gamzee's hair and squinted at him. “You know that shits bad for you right?”

And there was that sad laughter again. “Yeah... yeah I know. I got better.” Gamzee went quiet after that, still holding Eridan's hand as they sat on the couch and let the sunlight disappear over the water.

–

“Why am I only just now finding out that you haven't been going to therapy?” Sollux kicked the door open and stalked into the hospital room, arms crossed and glare set. He looked the same as he always did when he walked into Eridan's room. Eridan looked up from the floor, three wigglers surrounding him with their color pads and crayons.

“Don't you knock?” He turned back to the wigglers. “Alright, it's way passed your bedtimes and I've stalled you long enough. Off to bed.” The chorus of protests only made him smile. “Not going to work, now go on before I tattle to Mr. Vantas.” The children were quick to grab their things and yank them to their chest, each hurrying out one after the other.

They weaved around Sollux as if he were nothing more than a tall, cranky coat rack.

“E.D. This is serious, therapy is mandatory.” Sollux was still glaring even as Eridan pushed to his feet and brushed off his pants.

“I go to physical therapy.” Eridan countered.

“You know what I _mean._ ” There was almost a growl in his voice this time. Eridan just rolled his eyes and sat on his bed, ankles crossed.

“Look, if the therapist would have _shown up_ the first three times, maybe I'd be goin' now.” He shrugged. “I'm not goin' to waste my time sittin' in an office waitin' for someone to see me when I could just as easily talk to Nep. I get more honest answers out a her and Gam than I do any a you.”

Sollux bristled. “What are you doing talking to G.Z.?”

With a heavy sigh, Eridan pushed himself to his feet. “Why do you suddenly care?”

“He's not right in the head.” Sollux muttered. “Anyway, that's not the point-”

“Then what is the point?” Eridan crossed his arms and tapped his foot. “I can't do this, I can't do that. All you seem to do is boss me around, Sol. We aren't any sort a item, you aren't my doctor, you're my technician. What I do or who I live with is none a your business.” He started walking toward the door.

“What the fuck do you mean _who you live with_?” Eridan ignored him. “Eridan!” Sollux reached out as Eridan got to the door, his hand grabbing his bicep.

The world went fuzzy around the edges, then black.

–

_'I hate this.'_

_'So you've said.'_

_'I hate you.'_

_'Feelings mutual.'_

_'I hate me.'_

_'Yeah, I hate myself too right about now.'_

_'… you shouldn't, you at least try.'_

_'Not hard enough apparently.'_

_–_

_'You've got blood on your face again.'_

_'It's not like I can see that, I'm blind, remember?'_

_'Not for long.'_

_'I'm also dead.'_

_'Half dead.'_

_'Half of your bulge.'_

_'Stuff it Sol, let me clean you up.'_

_'… yeah.'_

_'Stay still for a minute.'_

_'… how do you always find the time to smell nice?'_

_'Hygiene is important, dead or not.'_

_–_

_'Your rings are stupid.'_

_'Then why are you always playing with them?'_

_'I'm not.'_

_'You're doing it right now.'_

_'Shut up, it's a texture thing. I like the way they feel.'_

_–_

_'You just-'_

_'Don't.'_

_'But you-'_

_'I mean it E.D. Please don't.'_

_'… you kissed me first.'_

_–_

_'This is a terrible idea.'_

_'Worst idea.'_

_'We should just call it black and get it over with.'_

_'We really should.'_

_–_

_'… This isn't black at all is it?'_

_'Shut up.'_

_–_

_'Don't die on me, I'm serious don't, please please I love you wake up wake up wake-'_

_–_

_'Why do we keep ending up back here?'_

_'Fuck if I know, no matter which way I go we always get dumped here.'_

_'Shit... at least it's quiet.'_

_'Oh sure, quiet.'_

_'Listening to you talk doesn't count, I'd rather listen to you than hear disembodied voices.'_

_'Ugh, you're disgustingly red right now.'_

_'You wish I were red, this is too different to be red.'_

_'Unfortunately.'_

_'You love it.'_

_'… I love you.'_

\--

There was a dense ringing in his ears that dragged him back to consciousness, and as he opened his eyes he squinted against the light. His glasses were gone and he could tell he was pressed to the floor by the cold tile against his back. Something wet trickled down his chin and he tried to wipe it away, only to find out he didn't have the strength to lift his arms.

“Erifin?” Nepeta's voice sounded far off in the distance. “Can you hear me?” After trying, and failing, to lift his arms again, Eridan hummed. “That's good, we're going to put you on the bed now, okay?” He hummed again and felt arms slide under him.

“What the fuck happened?” Karkat's voice was unmistakable.

Eridan felt each step like a full body jerk, and he groaned as he tried to roll away from the pain. His body remained unresponsive.

“I'm not sure, I came in to bring him to the pool and found the both of them like this.” The worry in Nepeta's voice made Eridan croon. She didn't need to fret, he was just tired.

“You... you don't think they attacked each other, do you?” Karkat asked, hesitant. “That's a lot of blood.”

“What? No.” Nepeta laughed. Eridan could feel her standing beside him like a warm compress. Her hand ran through his hair gently, claws scratching at his scalp so tenderly that he closed his eyes. “They may fight all the time, but Sollux has gotten better about his temper, so has Erifin.”

A wet rag dabbed against his face, wiping blood away from his chin and around his nose. The silence stretched, and Eridan let himself float in it. The memories that had bubbled to the surface while he'd been unconscious had only been sounds, the voices of their own conversations and occasional wind blowing through the grass. At some point during death, or maybe during several different timelines, he and Sollux had...

What, exactly?

Were they Kismesis? Matesprit? Something else entirely? What had they been that they'd grown so fond of one another in their voices. What had changed them so much that they'd agreed to whatever shambles of a relationship they apparently had.

Was that why Sollux kept hovering around him? Was that why he kept getting all up in arms about everything Eridan did or didn't do?

Where was Sollux now?

“You should rest.” Nepeta's voice was a gentle whisper above him. “Don't worry, I'll be here when you wake up.” And that alone was enough comfort to ease Eridan into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.

–

“Is he... I heard he was...” Eridan woke to the scared, hesitant sounds of Gamzee in the doorway.

“Oh, Gamzee, I... didn't expect you to come over.” Nepeta's voice was stiff and awkward. Eridan tried not to sigh as he rolled his head and opened his eyes. The world was blurry, but not enough that he couldn't make out the figures in his room. Nepeta sat in a chair next to the bed, while Gamzee hovered in the doorway.

Deciding he'd take matters into his own hands, Eridan pushed himself up on his elbows.

“I'm fine, thanks for askin'.” He croaked, feeling a dry itch in his throat. “Get in here, I hate when people linger in doorways.”

Gamzee took a quick step inside and Nepeta busied herself with filling a glass full of water from the pitcher next to her. When she handed it to Eridan, she made sure to never make eye contact with Gamzee as he sat at the foot of Eridan's bed.

“You sure you're good?” Gamzee asked, reaching up to twirl a clump of his hair around one of his fingers.

Eridan downed the glass as it was passed to him, shivering as the ice water dropped to the bottom of his stomach. When he pulled back, he took a deep breath and let Nepeta prop a pillow behind him.

“Positive, just remembered the time Sollux and I were... whatever we were.” He tried to shrug noncommittally, but he was pretty sure both his friends could see right through it. “He alright?”

Nepeta nodded. “Sollfluff is fine, he woke up hours before you did. Bled more too, but other than the nosebleed there wasn't anything wrong with either of you.” Her smile was reassuring as she took the empty cup out of Eridan's hand. “He said he wants to talk to you about what he saw, that I should set up a meeting.”

This time Eridan looked over at Gamzee, who shrugged.

“You can tell him he can go fuck himself.” Eridan tried not to smirk as he spoke. “If he wants to talk to me that bad he doesn't need to use you as a messenger girl. You're better than that. He knows where I live.” Eridan attempted to push off the bed, but Nepeta held him in place with a hand.

“Oh no you don't, you're going to stay here for at _least_ twenty more minutes before I let you go home. I should just readmit you myself.” Eridan offered her a sweet smile.

“Nep, my sweetest diamond, I'm pretty sure every doctor in this hospital would throw somethin' at you if you tried to keep me here another _second_ longer. I've done my _damn_ best to annoy each and every one a them into releasin' me early.” He smirked when Nepeta glared at him, but removed her hand.

“I thought that was just you being a fuck.” Gamzee admitted. Eridan laughed, hand covering his mouth as he shook his head and pulled his knees to his chest. Nepeta frowned, but didn't say anything. “You want me to take your stuff back to the house now, or wait for you?” Gamzee looked over at the remaining box sitting on the table.

Eridan gathered himself and relaxed. “You can take it home, I know my way back.” He offered Gamzee a genuine smile when he turned to face him.

Nodding, Gamzee pushed himself off the bed and scooped the box up under one arm. “Can do will do, see you fish stick, kitty cat.” Gamzee waved as he walked out, and Eridan gave him his own smile. After a few seconds, he looked over at Nepeta and saw the tight clench of her fist on the sheets. There were small droplets of blood on her palms, rolling over her nails and dripping against her coat.

Reaching out, Eridan pulled her hand close to his chest and unfurled her fingers. “You know he's doin' his best.” Nepeta flinched.

“I know, I'm... I'm _trying_ not to be mad at him, I really am.” She let Eridan reach over and grab the wet rag she'd been cleaning him up with earlier. He was careful when he dabbed at the cuts on her palms.

“Maybe you should try harder.” Nepeta flinched again. “He can't help it, but he is tryin'. The way you guys treat him, you act like he doesn't notice, but Nep, he _really_ does.” Eridan sighed when she looked away from him. “Kitten, I know he's done some fucked up things-”

“No you don't, you don't remember!” Nepeta cut him off and pulled her own legs to her chest. Eridan let go of her hand and scooted closer, arm an open invitation.

She didn't take it.

Sighing, Eridan ran both his hands through his hair and tugged. “Nep, we _all_ did really fucked up shit in our past. Just because I don't remember most of mine, doesn't mean I didn't do it too. You think I can handle the guilt from what I do remember? The answer is I don't, and that's just what I remember. I've still got huge gaps, but Gam doesn't. He remembers everythin' and it's killin' him slowly.” Sighing, Eridan looked at his feet. “I... maybe I'm bein' selfish and takin' on Gam as some sort of project, or _maybe_ I just want to be around someone who hates themselves as much as I do.”

That made Nepeta look up, concern on her face. She opened her mouth, likely to protest, but Eridan hushed her. “We all have to handle our shit differently, and like it or not, I don't want Gam to handle his alone. You can hate him for as long as you want, but you got to know I'm goin' to stay his friend.” Nepeta reached out and took Eridan's hand. Her blood smeared against his palm. “I know what it's like to feel alone, to be the villain... I don't want him to feel like that.”

After a few minutes, Nepeta offered him a weak smile. “And you used to want to kill all 'land dwellers.'”

“Keep it up and I may retract my peaceful truce with your disgustin' kind.” Eridan smirked as Nepeta laughed, then leaned forward. “You should go find Equ, have him clean you up properly. I want to sneak out a here before Sol can find me.”

With a defeated sigh, Nepeta let his hands go and pushed off the bed. “Alright, but call me if you need anything. I'm still in your glasses right?” She pulled them out of her pocket and Eridan happily put them back on.

“Yup. Right under annoyin' cave girl.” He watched her roll her eyes as she headed to the door. As she pulled it open he paused, biting his lip before he let out a sigh. “Hey, Nep?”

“Hmm?”

“Were me and Sol ever really... a _thing_? In the game I mean?” He watched the relaxed smile and half shrug she gave him.

“A few times.” And she left without another word.

–

When Eridan finally left the hospital, both moons hung heavy in the sky. The wind picked up only slightly as Eridan walked across the dunes, and at one point he stopped and just stared at the stars. Right now he was utterly alone, comfortable in his own silence and surrounded by white sand and the soft mist of seawater coming up just over the hill. He hadn't felt so at peace in years, if he ever had. Closing his eyes, he let the wind blow against the back of his jacket.

Everything was so blissfully _quiet._

Sucking in a deep breath, Eridan opened his eyes on the world and kept walking. He could hear the feint rumble of thunder off in the distance, and it made him shiver. Life just had to start over.

–

“Told you I could hook it up.” Eridan sat on the floor and wiped grease onto his borrowed shirt. “Just had to fight with it for...” He turned to look at the clock and Gamzee chuckled.

“Four hours.” His voice was deeper today, fanning in and out as he tried to relax. Something had happened at the hospital that had made him come home scratching his wrists raw, and because of that his self control was a little unbalanced.

Eridan had decided that distracting him was the best choice, and they'd spent the day fixing nonsense around the house. The washing machine now sat against one of the large, wall length windows instead of cramped upstairs in the tiny attic space. Gamzee absolutely could _not_ fit in there anymore, not with how tall his horns had gotten in the last four months they'd been living together. The dryer would be next, but Eridan had gotten rather fond of the clothesline method.

“Are you hungry?” Eridan asked suddenly. “I'm starved, how do leftovers sound?”

“Fuckin' amazin', just none of that low sodium bullshit you got for me last time. Fucking tastes like plastic ass.” Gamzee grumbled as he pushed himself to his feet.

“You need less sodium in your diet.” Eridan pulled himself up by the side of the washing machine and walked over to the sink. He could see the way his hair was fanning out after a fresh cut in the reflection.

“When did you become a fuckin' doctor?” Gamzee's tone was all sweet and relaxed, though his voice cracked.

“I don't need to be a doctor, I just have to look at our trash can.” Eridan turned on the water and grabbed the soap bar, scrubbing it against his palms after dunking it under the water. His new rings still sat lined along the rim of the sink, shining as they waited for work to be done. “How does pizza sound?”

Before Gamzee could reply, there was a knock at the front door. The two of them raised their eyebrows at one another, and Gamzee made his way to the door. He had one hand on the club resting in the umbrella stand, the other hovering over the door knob. Eridan reached over and put his hand over the gap between the fridge and the counter where he kept his rifle. Neither of them thought they'd ever shake that eerie sense of paranoia that came with living alone because everyone else hated you.

“Who is it?” Gamzee didn't bother hiding the drop in his voice, just let it drip out.

“Uh, who the fuck else?” The voice was agitated but familiar. “I'm here to see E.D. I'm tired of him brushing me off.”

Eridan snorted and relaxed, already drying his hands. “Only took him four months.” He muttered. Gamzee laughed and let go of the club in favor of opening the door. Sollux stood there looking as uncomfortable as he sounded.

Gamzee hugged him, scooped him right off the ground and gave his back a hearty thump. “Shit my dude, so good to see you! We don't get visitors that ain't kitty cat or my angry candy pop.” Sollux grunted, nearly doubled over Gamzee's shoulder.

“Nep and Kar.” Eridan clarified as he put down the dish towel. “Alright Gam, you can release him. He's not going to do anythin' stupid.” Eridan turned, elbows on the counter. “So, what can we do for you, oh God of Doom?”

“Mage, whatever, don't derail this.” Sollux dropped to the floor suddenly with a thump.

“How can I derail somethin' that I know nothin' about?” Eridan smirked and nodded to Gamzee as he walked over to the counter and pulled up a chair. When he sat down, the metal groaned but held steady.

“How about how you aren't responding to any of my messages? How you're avoiding me in the hospital during your appointments? Why don't we talk about any of that?” Sollux walked toward the counter with a growing growl.

“Pizza sounds good.” Gamzee smirked, leaning over the counter as Eridan nodded and turned toward the fridge.

“Pizza it is, do you want any Sol?” Eridan pulled the box out of the fridge and held it up in offering.

“I want you to stop avoiding me.” Sollux snapped. 

Neither Eridan nor Gamzee seemed phased by the small crackles of electricity bubbling off Sollux's skin. Eridan didn't speak for a while, simply went about the task of warming up pizza on two separate plates. He set one in front of Gamzee and the other in front of himself, pulling up one of the stools on the other side of the kitchen island.

“Where did we order this from again?” Eridan asked after his fourth bite.

“Apple and mother fucking Pies.” Gamzee grinned and pulled off a slice of pepperoni, reaching over to drop it on Eridan's plate. Eridan responded by dropping his mushrooms onto Gamzee's pizza.

“Apple and Pies was a good choice.”

“Are you seriously playing this avoidance game after I went through all the fucking trouble of coming to your _house_?” Sollux finally shouted. A crackle of blue zipped toward the vaulted ceiling, but tucked itself back in before it could do any damage. Gamzee held in a laugh.

“Right, I'm going to take this majestic slice into mine and turn on some loud fucking music. You need me, you got me.” Gamzee held up his plate and pushed off his chair. Eridan nodded and turned to face Sollux, but didn't speak until Gamzee's door had shut and music began to thrum behind the door.

Sollux climbed onto Gamzee's vacated chair when Eridan flicked a finger at it.

“So, you want to talk.” Eridan sighed and put his pizza back on his plate. “What about though? Is it the therapy thing, because Nepeta already said I didn't have to go.”

Sollux growled. “That's not it and you know it.”

“Uh huh,” Eridan crossed his arms, “is it about how we were apparently a thing in some other timeline? Because if a few snippets of conversation is enough for you to-”

“It wasn't just a few _snippets,_ E.D.” Sollux cut him off, looking around as if he were being hunted. “N.P. told me that you only heard us talking, but I... _didn't_.” He looked down at the counter and began picking at his claws.

Turning, Eridan pulled a bottle out of the fridge and unscrewed it. “So... you don't remember that we were apparently some sort of flushed? Fuck, then why are you _here_ , Sol?”

Slowly, Sollux looked up and caught Eridan's eyes. There was something there, something scared and confused that seemed so familiar somehow.

“It wasn't that I didn't hear the conversations, I _did_ hear them, but I... I also saw them.” Sollux hesitated. “I saw everything, I... _remember_ everything.”

Eridan put the bottle down and looked at the marble grain on the counter. “Well, that makes one of us, doesn't it?” He muttered. Slowly, he watched out of the corner of his eye as Sollux moved his hand closer until his fingers brushed against Eridan's. The contact made Eridan shiver, but he didn't pull away. He didn't take the offer either. 

For a long time, the only sound was the muffled music behind Gamzee's door.

“I'm sorry I was such a fuck to you when you first woke up.” Sollux muttered, breaking the silence so suddenly that Eridan flinched away from him. “I don't know what happened to make me forget you, us even, but maybe I can help you remember?”

Scoffing, Eridan pushed away from the counter. “Oh no, fuck that. Every time I remember somethin' I fuckin' hemorrhage, I don't care if it heals supernaturally, fuck that. I don't want to remember anythin' else.” He turned toward the front door and waved both his hands at it. “If you're here to bring up the past, then get the fuck out. This is the movin' forward house, not the bleed from my nose and go unconscious house.”

He waited for Sollux to move, but he didn't. Instead he just sighed. “Fine, okay look, just... _fine._ You don't want to bring up the past, totally okay with me, but I can't just...” Sollux got to his feet and scratched at his scalp. “Do you have any idea how frustrating this is, knowing what I know?” Eridan didn't answer him. He just stared blankly and tapped his foot.

“I'm not goin' to be your one man pity party, Sol. If you want to feel guilty about bein' my past whatever, do that somewhere else.” He turned away from the door and walked back to the counter. Before Sollux could say anything else, he shoved his pizza slice in his mouth and bit off a chunk.

Sollux clenched his fists and flicked his tongue against his teeth. “You're so fucking...” He didn't finish, just let out a frustrated yell as he stomped toward the front door.

“Get home safe!” Eridan said around his mouthful.

“Fuck you too!” Sollux slammed the front door so hard the club in the umbrella stand rattled. 

Gamzee poked his head out of his room a few minutes later and chuckled.

He was slow to walk back in, but when he did, he and Eridan resumed their quiet lunch together at the counter. When they'd both finished, Eridan washed both plates and wiped the counter down, then turned toward the living room. The few sparse decorations he'd talked Gamzee into setting up made the place feel less like an abandoned warehouse and much more like a home.

He stared at the still empty bookshelf that hid the stairs to the attic, then at the boxes full of trinkets he'd purchased to fill it.

“Should we work on that next?” Pointing at the bookshelf, Eridan took a step forward. Gamzee followed after him with a nod, already sitting on the floor and pulling a box to his chest. He made quick work of cutting the tape with his thumbnail, then pulling out the top roll of bubble wrap. After popping a few, he reached in and pulled out the first piece, which he cut open and unraveled.

Gamzee froze, a slow smile creeping along his lips as he turned the figure this way and that. An unpainted caring of a troll riding a unicycle rested on his palm, and he ran his thumb over the leg of the troll.

“I thought you hated all my clown shit.” Gamzee muttered. Eridan just chuckled.

“Nonsense, now pass it over. If you don't want me puttin' it up just say so.” Gamzee happily passed the figurine over and they began a pattern.

After two boxes, Gamzee finally hummed. “I think Sollux is still in love with you.” He looked up at the way Eridan fumbled with the book in his hands before he shoved it on the shelf.

“He shows it pretty fuckin' swell, doesn't he?” Eridan said through gritted teeth.

“Dunno my fine chuckle fuck, you weren't really giving him any room to woo.” When Eridan glared at him, Gamzee smirked. “You think you might give him a chance to work his way into your wriggly little gills?”

“Oh fuck off.” Eridan snatched a book out of Gamzee's hands and flipped it open. He unsuccessfully pretended to read as Gamzee laid on the floor and laughed.

Eventually, Gamzee calmed down. “You should give him a chance.” He muttered. “You deserve to be happy.” Eridan looked down and watched as Gamzee rolled over to stare out of the window.

“... so do you.” He watched the small smile hidden under the mess of Gamzee's hair.

“Funny enough, I am?”

–

“You, me, coffee.” Eridan slapped a piece of paper down on Sollux's desk so hard it shook. He flipped his scarf back over his shoulder and rubbed one of his rings with his thumb. “Bring a friend, preferably someone who won't run when I bring Gamzee into the light as my Knight and Protector.” Sollux stared at the paper, then slowly looked up at Eridan with a raised eyebrow.

“Are you... are you asking me out on a date and bringing Gamzee along as your bodyguard?” Sollux asked as he set his work tools down.

“The shoe fits, doesn't it?” Eridan turned toward the door. “Don't fuck this up with me Sol, you've got _one shot_ at impressin' me.” He listened to Sollux laugh from the doorway.

“I've done it once, I'll do it again!” And wasn't that the challenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been too long, and I apologize. If anyone is left have these sixteen pages to wrap up this fic. I've forgotten how to write Homestuck, but I don't really care at this point because I genuinely like this ending. If you see any mistakes let me know. It's been a wild ride my dudes, a wild ride.


End file.
